We Click
by PumpkinBob
Summary: So what if he doesn't like me sometimes, and I steal his stuff. He's my buddy, and I'm his. I know it, I know it deep in my bones despite what Joker says! ::Joker/FOC:: Something my friend and I made a long while ago :Comedy/Romance: M for language, etc.
1. Alone and getting by Cue The Noob

Funny little story, later on full of banter and stupid stuff. Chapter 3, Avery starts telling the story. If you don't like this, I say HANG IN THERE for the 3nd, we (friend and I) believe it gets better. Maybe you will all too!

Hopefully you guy's we'll see past the spelling, typos, and grammar. lol To us, it wasn't that important, so we just looked past it all together.

Enjoy... Try to XD

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><p>"When will you find yourself a mate?"<p>

In his chair, his precious hiding place, the once peaceful spot on the entire ship. Now, the females of the crew confessed their worry where he comfortably sat. Every day, well, not everyday, every _once_ in a while, they would make small talk after business. Small talk, annoyance, useless, Joker could dish the stuff, though if the topic was his well being, quickly he loses interest. Pilot first and foremost. If Shepard required some impute, sure he was there. Upfront and honest, only for a handful of reasons. While he was more than happy to lay low, guide the Normandy like an angel in the clouds, small chat presented Joker with a special opportunity. That is to be in the presence of her. Shepard: Hero, Commander, friend, savior, the apple of his eye. As bold in words the man could be, and as brave a pilot he was, NEVER, has he EVER, spoken to her about brewing feelings.

Feelings, those were for people with time anyway.

"Joker, got a minute?" Snapped into reality, Joker jumped, rotating his chair to face her.

"What's up Commander?" _Fuck, Nice try_... Always he attempt true casualness. Someone his brain would skip, throwing the pilot off.

"I've found Garrus in Omega." Her voice was rough and tough, complete 'badassery' in his book. "He will be joining us, as well as his companion."

"Companion, like~? A _lady friend_? His twinkling fingers added new meaning in 'lady friend'.

Her face filled with amusement, Joker always aimed make her smile, "No, nothing like that. She is human, looking for work. Maybe as a copilot."

Looking? Work? ...Copilot? The very **words** pricked his sides with needles. No! Knives~something very sharp and unpleasant.

Flat, his eyes fell half shut. His arms became tight, and his body showed the tension Shepard just unleashed. "... A copilot?" Joker questioned, monotone as EDI. "How nice."

"Yes, she's rough around the edges Garrus claims." Shepard shifted, staring at her boots, "Since she is here to earn her keep, the girl will be working and perhaps a little learning, maybe?"

_How uncharacteristically nice of her..._

His face stayed stoic, brows not even budging to twitch. "Really..."

"Maybe?" Shepard requested.

Eyes locked, "Really?"

"Its actually an order." She laughed

"...really?"

"Lieutenant?" She warned.

A breath was released from his pouting lips, "Really?~!"

"Joker!"

"Fine!" He gave up, holding his face in defeat.

"Very well, I'll send her up" On a pin, Shepard turned, leaving the Pilot whining in his chair.

Hanging over the side, Joker dropped both arms. One hung over, almost dragging on the cockpit floor. His hat pushed up and over his eyes as a result of sinking in the leather.

"EDI?" Joker whined.

"Yes, Mr. Moreau?"

"Hit me, Please." His voice was stale, still having a fit.

Turning to face the hologram, He waited for mechanical arms to reach out and shake him, yet they did not exist. "Mr. Moreau, I lack the requirements to perform such task. And even if my program was accessorized with the specific tools, it would be unwise to jeopardize your physical health with hostile action."

Joker just blinked. Blinked over and over, eyebrow cocked and the eye below still half shut.

"A simple 'no' would have been fine." He rubbed his eyes vigorously, groaning loudly.

"A simple 'no' would imply the same request could be performed at a later time." EDI replied.

"Shut up. Shut. Up!" _I want my mommy..._

Later on Joker sat strained, empty of tolerance for anyone, and with a nagging system at his side, anything. Usually the pilot would be happy to obliged, especially for Shepard, to do anything she asked. But this was too much. Too, too much. A kid, a rookie. Potential replacement if his Vrolik's became worse, despite Cerberus' top notch health plan.

"EDI, I'm losing my mind today..." His head pounded. Joker even removed his hat to fan himself.

"Impossible." EDI argued.

"Its an expression- Gah, you know I should unplug you today, I swear you are just-"

"Hello?" A voice interrupted. Unfamiliar voice. _New, fresh meat... ugh._

Joker was hesitant to spin around. Glancing over at the hologram, the expressionless orb didn't give anything. Last hope set in. The little hope this girl was a rocking with curves and deadly on looks. He could picture tall, toned, barely there coverage, and a beautiful. Sexy would make life easier. Hot would make ease the stress. Ugly and or underage would create hell. Either way, the honest truth, Joker wasn't exactly a happy camper.

In the time it took Joker's chair to rotate, he adjusted himself, sitting up, shoulders back, chin high. He presented himself as the Galaxies' best Pilot, the man he truly believed he was.

"Welcome to the cockpit." His greeting was dry, not because of the word cockpit, but today was bleak. Joker's eyes pinned the girl, widening under the hat's bill, "Shit." He muttered.

She was short, compared to most of the crew. One eye was dark, the other, freakishly white under scarring. Hair just as dark, all knotted in long dreads, tied back out of the way. Loose fringe, unknotted, framed her pale face. A face that was pretty, with potential to be prettier. She wore little makeup, clearly some mascara coated her lashes. She wore a black tank, standard issued BDU's and flat boots. More clothing than he imagined.

"Excuse me?" Her brows scrunched, tilting her head to the side. "Bad time?" The girl asked.

"Bad day." Joker corrected, "I'm Jeff Moreau. Normandy's Flight Lieutenant."

"Joker?" She asked, his eyes almost fell back at the nickname, "Or you can call me Joker."

Still feeling, not-so-great, his attitude was sour, and his all around first impression wasn't impressed.

"Right. Call me Avery." The girl introduced herself.

Joker stared at the girl. She stood with her hands behind her back, fidgeting at her feet and shifting her eyes in hopes someone snuck up behind her.

"Avery." He stated.

"Yes."

"Just Avery?" His attitude was irritating. Yet she bit her tongue and smiled through it.

"Yes." Smiling wide behind a shit eating grin.

"That's it?" He pushed.

"Yes."

Joker sucked back his lips, throwing the story on the back burner.

"So, you want to be a pilot? Why not just join the Navy?" The grilling began.

"Oh, I don't really. I just know my way around... A little. kinda... sorta." Peaking behind Joker, she caught a glimpse at all the screens, numbers, buttons, cluster fuck of total pain-in-the-ass. "... Not really."

_What the hell Shepard?_ "I see."

"I can fix anything. I use to be an all around mechanic for credits..."

_Why is she giving me her resumé?_

"And I am pretty good at maintaining networks and systems." The large glowing orb kept pulling away Avery's attention, "Who is that?"

"EDI." He pointed with his thumb, not even looking at the system. "Say hello EDI."

"Hello Miss Avery."

It made the girl giggle, the ship talked to her. This was no ordinary ship. "Hi EDI." In a laugh, she was amazed looking around the hologram.

"Listen Avery, If you're not here to learn, why did Shepard send you over?"

Obviously the girl was surprised. Shooting up to a straight posture, she held her hips and confusion painted her face. "I was sent to assist you."

"Oh hell..."

**And that was their first meet. As the days went by, their bond blossomed, blooming into a beautiful friendship**.

**Week One:**

"Just drop it." He growled.

"Sorry, you looked tired." Holding his hand up to stop anymore words, Avery felt a grind on her back molars in frustration. "**Sorry**, Joker. _fucking eh_."

**When Avery was off on other projects, the cockpit was quiet. Empty. So lonely.**

**Week Two:**

He turned to EDI from his chair, "EDI, these days... You seem like the perfect woman."

"I have no specific gender." EDI responded.

"Shh, shh... Don't ruin this for me."

**Peas in a pod.**

** Week Three:**

"Avery, I beg you... leave the chair alone."

She tinkered at the wires, tightening, greasing the mechanics. "Its squeaking, I can't take it anymore!"

**All together, EDI, Joker, and Avery kept the cockpit together.**

** Week Four:**

Starting his shift, Joker walked with a stiff limp to his chair. Still feeling the repercussions of little sleep, he sat down, relaxed, readied himself. Waved to EDI, greeting the cat with simple mornin'.

_Cat? _"EDI, what happened to you?"

Behind him, Avery entered holding a cup of strong coffee, steaming, leaving a aromatic trail of fresh roasted beans behind. Not something he really asked for, just a nice gesture. But when Joker's question caught her ears, Avery wanted to carefully turn back and spend the day in the engine room.

"Avery, what happened to EDI?" He asked, knowing very well who stood behind him.

"I changed her hologram apperance. She likes it." On eggshells, the girl handed Joker his coffee with care. Presenting like a crown.

"I see that. Why? Or even How? How did you do that without her complaining about regulations?"

"Cats are nice to have around." His expression was starting to fall, "BUT, I did install some more personality into EDI..."

Taking a cautious sip, the pilot perked up, appearing interested. "More personality?"

"Yeah!" She grinned ear to ear, toothy and excited to show off her work. "EDI, tell Joker a joke, Please."

Turning to the cat, a hairless Sphinx of all breeds, sat perched gently wagging its tale. "A wife says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?" She says, "Once, and I saw rage." Her friend says, "Why would he be angry during sex?" The wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us."

Avery bit at her lower lip, completely unaware the jokes installed were inappropriate. Raunchy for the workspace.

"Miss Avery, I am detecting a slight tension." EDI stated, "I am fully aware of the nature of this joke."

"Thank you EDI..." The girl puckered her lips and hid the laugh.

Joker was quiet, grinning... "I can't believe you got EDI to say that."

And the real friendship began. Joker seemed to have lighten up. With more chit chat, EDI's jokes, discussions and debates, they were starting to tolerate each other. And while Joker's mood became normal, Avery was allowed to sit behind the copilot's station to monitor little things.

"Avery?" Shepard hollared through the speaker.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Changed EDI back, she's creeping out the crew."


	2. Damn apologies, and actually meaning it

Funny little story, later on full of banter and stupid stuff. Chapter 3, Avery starts telling the story. If you don't like this, I say HANG IN THERE for the 3nd, we (friend and I) believe it gets better. Maybe you will all too!

Hopefully you guy's we'll see past the spelling, typos, and grammar. lol To us, it wasn't that important, so we just looked past it all together.

Enjoy... Try to XD

* * *

><p><em>She's singing that damn crap again.<em>

One known fact about Avery that was quite apparent, was her love of the retro music. Living in the back ally's that damn club, the modern beats and rhythms drove her brain into a numbing dumbness. _To repetitive and highly over praised._ Her arguments were clear. This became trouble while picking a radio station.

"No we are not listening to crap." Joker tuned the station out, pissing Avery off. "Music from two centuries? Not while I sit here."

"Change it back!" She whined.

"No, that music is just~Gah, we were such idiots."

The girl was ready to disable his chairs controls, pull a couple of wires, switch a few. Next time he try to make a full rotation, the chair won't stop.

"You're an ass." Sitting back, she plugged in her music earbuds, hoping the horrid beats of the channel will simply go away. "One of these days, Joker... I will."

"You will what?" He challenged, just waiting for her reply.

"Oh no, no. Not telling." She looked to the compact screen of her player, scrolling through music.

He cocked a brow, lips tightened, and glared over his shoulder, "Just as long as you don't cause any damage."

Joker was serious about physical contact. His whole life, he dealt with the little things. Anything of the sort, before his new regimen, could keep him out of the job for days, even weeks. As a child, he fell from the couch, resulting in weeks of therapy and downtime. A minor fall that could shake up the normal child, left Joker unable to move.

"In fact lets practice the age old, 'Hands to yourself' rule. I like that idea, brilliant idea."

"Oh come on, Jeff." Avery laughed, "I don't have Koodies."

Focusing on the route before him, he simply rolled his eyes. "I haven't heard that since elementary school."

His hushed voice was more than someone deep in thought, something else bothered him now, and Avery wasn't the kind to let sleeping dogs lie.

"What did I say now?" Fed up, she stood up, stomping over to Joker's station. "I made you mad, didn't I?"

Swinging the chair around, She stood with an arm over the top of his headrest. His button pushing task was abruptly put to a halt, so Joker sat back waiting for the girl to, in all kindness, fuck off.

"Can I help you?" Joker had this habit to fall flat. Soda without a fizz after rapidly shaking the bottle.

"First you were ruffling my feathers over Lady Gaga on the radio, now you're suddenly all mad again." She contiplated treading this road, but the words fell out without a thought, "Are you Bipolar?"

"No, I am not Bipolar. Just get out of my face, we have shit to do." Against her will, he turned around, checking the main screen before him.

Not one to back down, she shoved his shoulder around, to face her again. Whipping around, his leg knocked right into her knee. Joker grabbed the spot of impact, sucking in air through his teeth.

"Shit!" He hissed, "What is your problem!~?" Joker yelled at the girl so loud, the whole bridge probably picked up on the trouble.

In defense she held her hands high, "I barely touched you!"

He had to hunch over his chair, turning away from Avery and away the controls. The initial crack worried the pilot. the pain set in almost immediately after the shove.

"Ah you bitch." He muttered sitting back.

From behind the chair, Avery danced around trying to face Joker. She held the chair, walking around to see the man. "You're taking this too seriously."

"Mr. Moreau, perhaps you should visit the infirmary." EDI chimed in.

"A trip to the infirmary?" She giggled at the absurd suggestion. "Should he go for his pride, EDI?"

Her teasing humor got her a lot of laughs of her own. As for the rest of her audience, not so much. Joker was hurt. In his head he knew she was out of the loop, yet the pain provoked every once of his being into defense mode. After the girl's laughing subsided, she spun around to see Joker's face. _Now he was really mad_, she remarked. It struck a heartstring. Its not like she tried to be a bitch, not to Joker at least. Avery thought her teasing was harmless, just as harmless as the tap to his shoulder.

"Jeff?" She smiled, "Joker...?" When he ignored her the second time, it was when her guilt hit. "I am sorry."

He slightly nodded his head, the pain was easing away, but he was still a bit peeved. "Its fine. Whatever."

Bending his leg, Joker braced himself for a fracture, if one was present. Just as he did, he stood out of his chair carefully. Walking past Avery and EDI, his limp was worse than before. "I'll be back, I have to take a leak."

Once the door closed, Avery fell back into his large chair. Carelessly laying around, a limp state rooting from the guilt surging through.

"Now what was that about?" She wondered, flicking her wrists in question.

"You should be more careful Miss Avery." The girl looked to the orb, "It isn't wise to strike Mr. Moreau, even in the slightest."

"Whats up with him, EDI? I apologized." Tossing her leg over the arm of the chair, she propped herself up, resting her head against her hand.

"Mr. Moreau ailed with Vrolik syndrome. To put it short, his bones are fragile, highly susceptible to fractures."

Avery's jaw dropped, as the rest of her body. "Fuck, why didn't anyone tell me that!" She covered her entire face, yelling into her palms over the guilt. "Ah fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

She shot up to her feet, "Thanks EDI, could have warned me, you fucking floating head~orb~talking- Fuck if I know what you are, thing."

Storming out, she decided it would be a good escape and idea to head to the infirmary for one of her eye-drop doses. Perhaps run into Joker on the way, maybe apologize and mean it.

_Perhaps I should apologize to EDI too... Fucking eh! _

"I'm such an idiot!" Avery shouted entering the elevator.

She hid behind a curtain, laying back on a bed, waiting for the eye drops to work. Once the burning stops, apparently. After this session, some light started shining through.

_ We'll have to take the whole eye out._

"Well fuck..." She mumbled.

The specialist's words echoed over and over.

"Yes Avery, you can see a faint glow, but the dead tissue isn't receding as hoped. The drops did as much as they could. We'll have to take the whole eye out."

Splendid. She thought, and now the girl will have to head back to the bridge. Or did she? Avery was plotting her escape to the crew quarters. Spend the whole day in pajamas, hidden away. Her reasons were clear, Avery was tired with this eye business, and mostly, the guilt of Joker's health troubles. So much so, the guilt was thin, weighed down with a giant mass of embarrassment. It crushed her stomach, aching and twisting, forcing the crap she said to repeat with out consent.

Next morning she was back on the bridge. Lazy day, she left her hair down, and sported the make up from the day before. Smudged around from tossing and turning against the cheap ass pillows, tough and papery against the skin. Least of Avery's problems, being such a bitch to Joker and all.

"I was a dick yesterday." She blurted out, startling the man in his chair.

Rotating around, he plucked the ear piece out, staring at the girl with confusion, "Did you just call yourself a dick?"

"Yes."

"I see, how amusing." Turning back to his work.

"I am sorry. For real." Kneeling at his side, she crept up like a puppy.

Joker tapped his teeth, only glancing to the doe eyes- well eye. "Your dead eye is freaking me out."

"Insult everyone who apologizes to you?" She retorted. "Now who is being a dick..."

Avery got up, feeling a bit ticked off herself. Before she could completely get away, Joker grabbed at her belt loop.

"Sorry." Releasing her, she stumbled a bit. "We're even."


	3. Love or trash? Trash Yup, trash

**This is the point where the story starts to get better, because we wrote it as if we were Avery. My friend and I put our personalities into this character, so she is a complete mess to be quite honest lol. We hope you enjoy this. **

**R&R!**

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><p>"That is all Joker."<p>

Oh Joker, could your face say it anymore? I kicked back, popped open my delicious bag of popcorn and watched the exchange. I enjoyed this time of the day. He thinks he's so sly, not that she'd pick up on the behavior, she's Commander Shepard. _I'm Shepard, I hard, and ready to eat your face. meh meh meh._

What a sap. Anyone who is so googley eyed for someone is- Okay never mind, scratch that. I am an idiot myself. A girl, fancy for an alien. If mama could see me!

See, speaking of see, **I can see!** Through _TWO_ eyes that is. They took my freaky, dead mound of eye glop and replaced it with a state of the art, HD prosthetic eye~marble~thing. Fancy eh, I wear prescription contact too, only for one side that isn't so high tech, but low, _low_, **low** tech. The one nature gave me, you know that piece of organic trash compared. That one isn't so sharp. I think I enjoy is the color options. Endless choices, endless fun. I find the purple to my liking... I feel like Garrus with his visor on.

Back to now. I could not help myself at this point, from afar, I threw popcorn at Joker's head while making pucker noises. "_Joker and Shepard sitting in a tree._"

"Shut up." The frustration in his voice, how cute.

"Oh come on Jeff, if you feel like that just make a move." Yeah, make a move. I imagine that woman is like a Prey Mantis. He'd never leave the bedroom alive. "_WoO_ her, heh!"

"Nah, she's all buttered up for someone else." His tone wasn't what I expected. Joker sounded like: 'Oh well, back to work' as oppose to being crushed.

I'd care more, but he plucked my gossip string. Being on the Normandy, the viewing choices in the recreation room weren't too appetizing. My tastes were geared at the Soap Opera's of yesterday. Erica Kane's string of husbands and lovers, Luke and Laura, that insane split personality blonde! That kind of junk! Jeff thinks music and shows then were stupid, he's obviously never dipped into the TV gems. A little real life_ he said, she said_, and _who is with who_, was enough for me in this galaxy without my shows.

"Commander Shepard and _who_?" I had to make myself sound completely uninterested, keep a low profile. "Someone that sleeps with a gun hopefully."

Oh how witty...

Joker spun around, tossing a piece of popcorn on his shoulder into his mouth, "Does Garrus sleep with a gun?"

Son of a Fuck...

"**She is into Garrus?**" Okay, I might have lost my cool 'low profile' just now.

"Oh yeah, the Commander doesn't exactly hide it." ...Crap.

The bag holding my corn was rather loud when it somehow crushed between my hands. Honestly, don't know what exactly happened there. Primitive plastic bags, you'd think things would change.

"Something wrong?" He question, while my entire body was in lock up.

Not the emotional crap, the tension filling my bones like a balloon animal.

"Saw a spider. I'll be back."

Oh hell. I just love how things unfold. I just **LOVE** the twists and turns of life. I just _Love_ it. **MY ASS!** I was probably saying that out loud, can't be too sure, so much is filling my damn head. Oh fuck it, just fuck it! Fuck if I did. Fuck, fuck, fuck-

"Miss Avery? The elevator will stop soon, I suggest picking a different word to chant." EDI, just can't escape her. She's there while I brush my teeth, and _e v e r y t h i n g t h i n g e l s e_.

"Sorry EDI..."

I need to keep my leaking mouth closed. This is an occasion for a TOML moment. For those who don't know, that is: **T**_rack_ **O**_f_ **M**_y_ **L**_ife_. Quick background recap: Long before I got my eye stabbed with a kitchen utensil, more around the time of my abandonment, I found an older music player in a trash compacter. The 'infinite' battery was in tack, and nothing was broken. For a little urchin, this was luck, golden luck. Though at the time, my taste in music wasn't as... Eclectic. The retro packed thing was something I learned to love, and eventually became my life. Everything I did, everything I felt, had a track. Something I practice till today.

Pausing in the hall, my finger slithered over the next button. Shuffle, repeat library...

First the vocal stylings of Lady Gaga flooded my ears. The oh's flowing out her mouth, then the simple words "_Caught in a bad romance._" Bad romance? Don't you have to be in a romance, for that romance to be bad? **...Next.**

Gentle plucks of guitar strings, light, melodic lullaby into of '_Nothing Else Matters_.' Perhaps a bit t dramatic for the moment at hand. **...Next.**

Ah, that Katy Perry chick. I remember looking up her career once, something about the singer of the past rubbed me the wrong way. Her face gave me gas... Despite my feelings, I kissed a girl isn't what I looking for... **Next.**

There it was. The perfect melody for a determined chick. _Barracuda..._ **Oh**, _Barracuda!_ Yes, my thanks to the classic library, and many to the sister duo of yesterday. Flooding my ears, the song sent charges in my feet.

I galloped through the halls. _You had me down, down, down on my knees_... Perhaps I should explain whats going on here. Since I made it so theatrical.

He found me, helped me. Saved my stupid ass many times before taking me under his wing. The wings of an Archangel. Probably- actually I would be dead if he didn't find me. If not being a ripened lone female in that shitty place, but because I befriended him. There was more danger staying with him, than there would have been on my own. He was not among those ranked high in popularity, not that they were popular, but never the less, all those people were looking for him. The man taught me to fight, shoot, function without one eye. I guess you can say, _you can_, not I, _you can say:_ I fell in love with him. Garrus is handsome, he's brave... Well spoken. All around fantasy... And someone else thinks the same.

Enough of that crap. No matter how it happened, it happened, and I am fuming. Fuck my life...

If doors were primitive, I'm talking hinges and wood, I'd kick that mother down. Like **POW!** BUT, I can only mentally threaten the shit out of it, for not moving fast enough. Never mind how swift they were- Damn it I was deprived of my entrance, I can criticize the damn door!

"Garrus, we need to talk." My voice was shattered and pretty loud. I startled my poor friend...

It wasn't as if you can rip the man from work so easily, the scare might have poked his concern, "Avery, what is the matter?"

Oh great... I made a grand build up for something I can't even say. My mouth was ailed with lockjaw. Perhaps not, I couldn't even speak. My voice was muted.

"Avery?" His rich voice never failed to put me at ease. Even at the slightest, he made me feel better.

A sigh left my lips, if I couldn't tell him everything, I had no one... So I bit the bullet.

"Garrus, do you have a?" Stammering and fiddling with my hands tested both our patience. Uh hands, you never know where to sit. "A~? Thing, for the Commander?"

"Oh." _Oh?_ Boy, I did **not** like the way he said that. Like he slipped up somewhere, forgot to feed fish, tell someone something.

The recycled air suddenly felt heavy and tainted. My brain grew, restricted by the skull. Vision pulsed with the sudden dizzy spell. And I'm pretty sure I was following an invisible being across the floor. Biting at my upper lip, an itch developed on my elbow joint. Did I mention stressful situations and nervous settings cause me to break out? _P r e t t y_ attractive.

"So its true..." My feelings were slapped on the table, with the heavy impact of a slab of meet hitting metal. "You feel for her, and she is crazy about you... I am happy for you, its great."

The Turian conveyed every through his body language and eyes when he kept words back. I felt his hands on my shoulders.

"Avery..." I was pretty sure my lips were limp in a pout, complete with sad eyes. "What do you mean crazy?"

You remember old vinyls? almost 200 year ago, scratchy giant disk's containing music? Well those were played with a needle running along tracks. When those tracks were disrupted, when the needle ran across the vinyls, it created this abrupt harsh halting sound. Stopping the song you're hearing. That sound boomed in my head at that moment. What have I done?

**My memory in the heat of the moment was shot. I need to recap: **

_ "Nah, she's all buttered up for someone else." _

_ "Does Garrus sleep with a gun?"_

_ "She is into Garrus?"_

_ "Oh yeah, the Commander doesn't exactly hide it."_

Oh fuck I think I fucked up somewhere here.

_Shit.._

**Damn...**

Fuck me, no where in that conversation, nothing implied Garrus felt the same or even knew!

"Fuck." Oh hell, I'm stupid. And it as clear. "Garrus..."

On the spot, focus on my faux pas, _I am bad at this gossip business, apparently_... Oh great, that rash is crawling up my neck.

"Garrus you got a minute?" **Ding ding, round over!**

Come on, Shepard tag me out, and I could slip away! _Whew, is it stuffy in this place?_ Oh thank the higher power, for that woman's sneaky movement.

"Is this a bad time?" Something about her voice chilled me, almost scaring the boots off my feet. But was I happy to see her!

"No, no! I have to pee." His strong hands still planted me in one spot. "Garrus, I need to pee."

He eyed me funny. The look he gave me, the mischief detector buzzed. But he released me anyway.

"We'll talk later." Wonderful, the man I was just in love with transformed into my father... Yay.

My exit was quick. Fire couldn't make my heals kick up faster. Could I stayed and dropped in on their conversation? I totally could have, and I would... But I was being called to the bridge. Joker's voice bugged my earpiece, kinda like the vinyl scratch. It was then I realized, the Normandy was a ship. A grand ship, but not many places to hide your current woes. Or hide from those who were the source of your woe... Oh hell. And like walls being thin, frequencies were thin here. I learned this from Joker... Oh that's right, Joker needs me.

"On my way..."

Returning to the bridge, _yeah,_ cause that's where I want to be. Seem to feel like that a lot lately. My whole time here roller coaster, up and down... _Maybe its that time of the month?_ Maybe I'm landing on the crimson planet. **Bleh**, so much crap, I don't even want to think of female troubles, hormones have done enough for me today. _You are excused_, **leave my body for now!** My feet were heavy, my belly was upset again and this damn fake eyeball was itching, deep in the pit of my socket. You can itch back there?~? You can really itch back there, what the hell!~?

"I'm here Joker..." My body was scraping by, lethargic movement and a mumbling mouth.

I sat at my station. First thing I did?

"Avery, do not press that many buttons at the same time. You'll overload the system." Joker had no idea. Swiveling around, my pathetic being came into view. Face planted firmly on the system.

"I should have known." He stated, "I've learned you only call me Joker when your~? Being like this..."

How observant. What a guy.

"This?" I wondered.

"This chick thing." His hands twirled around, working for the right words. "I don't know, but its not good."

A tear was ready to slip out; I'm on the brink of total breakdown. It just might hit me soon. The destruction of Avery. Sad story. She lived, loved, died face down on a computer.

"You don't have to pretend." My lips stuck against the keyboard screen. Wet lips to a dry smooth surface, they stuck all over, slurring each of my words. "You probably heard something."

His brow perked, knowing very well he was caught listening in. "Well, there are no spiders here."

Joker leaned forward, resting forward on his elbows. In a quick motion, he aired his scalp with a swift breeze, lifting the bill of his hat. Fucking hat. Its always there. Do you think? Nah. But, wouldn't it be funny, if Joker was just a shell, and his hat was doing all the thinking, piloting? Stupid remarks he'll spew out of SHEAR boredom... This theory would explain a lot, yet... meh, could be true.

"Joker, can you push your pals up, and go into female mode for a minute?" I dragged myself over to his chair, sitting cross legged beside him, "I already tried to have girl talk with EDI."

Licking his lips and rolling his eyes, Joker sat up and shook his shoulders out. Before I could say a word, he closed his eyes, chin in the air and wiggling his elbows and wrists. I tried to start, but he shushed at me. This warm up continued for a whole minute, it actually made me giggle, the length he went to just to slip into character.

And there she was, Jess. He fluttered his eyes around and asked in a gentle voice, "What's on your mind Avie? Tell Jess about it."

"You're kidding me right?" I giggled, "you sound like a drag queen."

He leaned back on the leather, pointing an index finger to my face like a gun, "Got your spirit up."

I fell back, laying on the cold floor. I never wanted my sweater more but that was the last on my mind. I felt a little better. My spirit too a turn for the better. Not so much, but a little.

"Now get back to work." Joker spun around, checking the Normandy's stats.

"But we didn't talk..." Sitting up, my foot fell asleep and I could barely stand.

Keeping his back turned, he simply said "Later."


	4. Just like Holly Golightly & Paul Varjak

Hello! I hope you all enjoy Avery and her freak out antics and female ways :D

Thank you for reading, and don't be afraid to write a review.

3

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><p>"You owe me a chat." I said, entering the pilots room.<p>

Unlike many of the crew's quarters, Joker's condition allows for special accommodations. The room is not so big, but its specially furnished and built for someone with a handicap. The son of a bitch gets a bathtub to soak in, I have to use the community showers. There is a creepy butch woman who likes to keep tabs on my hygiene... nerve wrecking.

"Thought you'd forget about that..." He sighed, setting aside his reading tablet. "Fine."

Reading tablet? He, reads? How cute. I jumped on his bed, and picked up the thing. Turns out to be a magazine of some sort, something I'd never pick up, but I'm sure its up his ally.

"Make yourself at home.." Joker mumbled, adjusting himself into an upright position.

"_Why thank you_ Jeff." On the opposite end of the bunk, I stole his pillow and rested my head. "Who's flying the ship?"

"EDI mostly, while I have some Joker-Time, it will keep me updated here." Realizing his hat was resting on the bed, he picked it up and put it back on. Insane, for a moment I got to see the top of his head, yet didn't quite realize it, till the visual was gone. "You didn't come all the way over here, in your pajamas to talk about my shift."

"No, I'm just avoiding the subject..." My stomach became cold when I thought about Garrus with Shepard. "He would have never gone for me, would he?"

"So you did have a thing for Garrus?" The pilot dug out the crud under his nails, listening but not showing high interest it seemed.

"Yeah..." Turning over, I curled up to fully face him. Sitting against the bunk wall, one knee up with the other stretched out. Joker wore sweatpants tucked into his socks, these little things are starting to blow my mind.

Hat among people.

He reads. Magazines, still reading.

His loungewear are sweatpants and socks.

This is starting to become the King and I over here. You know, _Getting to know you, getting to know ALL about you! getting to like_- hmm, yeah we're not getting too deep in that song. The bunk was rather comfortable. I guess he needed, or preferred the extra softness. One of these days I should switch mattresses behind his back. Damn man would notice, I'm sure of it, but I really wanted too. Really, really, wanted to. Oh the man. When I looked over to Joker, he was eyeballing me.

"Well?" He instigated, "Come on, this is suppose to be girl talk."

My face scrunched, totally surprised by his encouragement. Clapping his hands and rubbing them together. I was afraid he was going to move something or lift something, the way he was amping up.

"Would you like it, if I painted your toenails?" I joked.

"Oh~? Do you have cupid's blush Pink?" He narrowed his eyes, ducking his head acting completely serious... At least I hope he was, you know... acting...

"Oh yeah, I'll go get that **ASAP**."

I played his bluff, and we both shared a laugh. Laughing felt nice on my soul, it sounds completely cheesy, like that sappy, emotional, Steel Magnolias kind of cheesy, but hell, it was true. This side of Joker was pleasant, comforting, relaxing. Reminds me of the days with Garrus before I developed... Girly~feeeeeeelings. And yes, I say that with a cringing sensation driving down my neck.

"Thinking about it now, I just can't get over it." My confession was just beginning, "Its almost embarrassing. A bit foolish."

"Oh come on now." Joker blurted.

"Alright. I feel **completely** foolish. Like a joke. I can't measure up to that woman." Sitting up, our shoulders touched. Not phasing Joker.

"You can't be so hard on yourself, its just nature. Something we can't control, no matter how much we try." Every time He finish a point in his sentence, he air out his head, lifting at his hat bill. "Don't call yourself a fool. Hell you shouldn't even feel like one... Plus."

"Plus what?"

For being so close, nether of us felt uncomfortable. Sure, we've spent every shift together, caught breaks at the same time, never did I get the friend vibe till now. My friend Jeff. Joker... nyuck. How funny. We were at each others necks when I started working here.

"You're just fine on your own. You ladies have this tendencies to compare yourself to each other...Its very unattractive." He poked me in the head, "Everyone has a different tastes. Just because your flavor isn't someone cup of tea, doesn't mean you're not as good, as one they do like."

We sat in silence, staring at each other... Did you know he has green eyes? Very vibrant green. They're pretty. Pretty orbs. Not exactly what I was thinking though... What was I thinking?

"Wow... Deep man." I nodded. "Maybe we should smoke some more and write down our thoughts."

"Do you want to talk, or do you want to cut me down more?"

"No, I want you to take my mind off this crap." I demanded, resting against him a little. "Tell me something about yourself."

"I'll never get to sleep at this rate." Joker shifted, slightly laughing at me.

"Seriously? You were reading when I came over." Picking up his tablet, I flipped to find the name of his magazine. "You didn't look like you were going to sleep anytime soon. So what were you reading?"

Joker fought for his tablet back, reaching over me to get the device back. I tried to be gentle, but he was being forceful. So instead of crippling him, like I did a not to long ago, did what any nice person would do.

"What's the matter Moreau? Whats the matter?" Playing keep away, I skimmed the page for a title. And, oh my word. "Mass Accelerators & Assteroids? You're reading smut?"

Should have known with the half naked Asari on the side of the page.

"I prefer 'Men's magazine'. If you don't mind." Joker grabbed his tablet out of my hand, closing the window and dropping it into his lap. "And I don't read smut, I read the articles, and LOOK at the smut."

I could only stare with great amusement. It was contagious, Joker shared the very same expression.

"You want to know about me, Avery?" He chuckled, "I like smut."

This is where it began.

One hour...

"Let go of my hand." He snapped.

"Lets go, lets do it Joker." My spirit was on a rush, it made me kind of hyper.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Look its easy, ready?" My fingers held his fist while I got us into position. "I'll try not to hurt you.."

Taking a deep breath, we both prepared, despite his reluctant attitude.

"Ready?" I check.

"Sure." He huffed.

"Okay..."

Moving my hair away from my face, I tucked the loose strands behind my ear, before we began.

"One, two, three, four. I declare a thumb war."

"_Execution_." the man mumbled.

"War! You'll be fine!"

**Another Hour...**

"Sorry Joker. Here's some ice." Turns out, he knows his limitations better than me.

Handing him the cool pack, he placed it carefully onto his hand, directly on the knuckle of his thumb.

"I said sorry" Sitting next to him, I also brought some juice... At least I think it was juice. Smells fruity, but can never tell what lurks in that kitchen.

"What is that?" He sniffed at the cup. "It looks like alien piss."

Huh.

"That is interesting Jeff, how do you know what that looks like?"

My question, brought a smile to his face, "I do know, I am just as interested in that question as you."

**Third Hour...**

"So what is this?" He asked getting comfortable against a stack of pillows.

I rested my head against his stomach, while trying we both huddled around his small screen.

"Its a show that started in 1999. but it was too bold for people then, so it was canceled about three times before it stayed on for years and years."

"What's it called?"

"Family Guy."

After introducing him to the show, we found out together he does have a spot for my retro taste.

"Aw man, that fat kid is such an idiot..." He remarked while watching the character Chris run bare ass around the living room. "He sounds like an idiot too."

Good to see he's coming around.

By the fourth hour, he was fast asleep. Joker was curled up in the corner of his bunk while most of it was taken up by me, oops. When I woke up, I was still laying against him, and Family Guy vids were still showing. I was so relaxed in his presence, didn't feel any rush to get up and leave, like I shouldn't have been there. So comfortable, I laid there for a few moments, basking in the feeling. Isn't it funny how much harder people breathe in their sleep? Against his stomach, my head slowly bobbed, up and down, while the the air stormed his nostrils. Yes, yes, Joker snored, Not terribly, at first, yet not exactly gentle either. As nice as this was, after a while I knew my squirming was waking Joker. Upon standing up, I assisted the sleeping pilot into a better, more comfortable position. The man is 30 years old, but the look he had was one of a little boy. Fast asleep in his pajama's, legs curled up and arms sprawled across the pillows. He was so cute.

"Good night Jeff." I whispered, pulling a blanket over him.

His reply was a soft groan, before he grabbed the blanket and turned over. Right before I left, I took his hat off placing it next to his pillow...

I should have taken it, washed it. Really, without telling him, because that smells like fresh kill in a hot environment. Okay, so not that bad, but the scent of sweat builds up into an incredible BO smell that could choke even a Legion. I preyed the door wasn't too loud when I left. Being between shifts, some crew members were walking about, while the rest were fast asleep. Being in space, time was challenging. No sun, no moon, just the reliance of a watch. And according to my watch, I should have been asleep hours ago. Sound asleep, not walking through the hallways. The opposite end, last door, was the group bunk I lived in. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep in there now, knowing Joker and who knows who else, have better beds. Entering my room though, my flat worn mattress was the least of my worries. That up lift to my mood started to crumple, similar to a can tossed into space. CRUSH, crumpled ball of what it was. That was me, at the sight of Garrus sitting at the group table, thumbing at cards.

"Hi, Garrus..." _Turian who crushed my heart, and quickly re-reminded me about such events, after such a nice night, when all I want to do sleep, because I am TIRED AS HELL, Garrus!_

"You're up late." He stated, "I didn't know where you were, so I waited."

Dragging my feet, I pulled out the chair across from Garrus. "Well you know, couple of us gals traveled to port, and picked up a couple of Sailors. Mine is in the john right now..."

"Funny." Sitting up, Garrus placed the card stack aside. He moved awkwardly, coughed awkwardly, hell! The whole damn mood was just awkward. "What's going on Avery?"

My body and mind were arguing:

**Fucking get on with it, I want to sleep more.**

_Shut the fuck up Body, you are a moron._

**Hey, I'm just trying to function Mind, chill the fuck out.**

_Fuck you._

**No, fuck you.**

Can you two shut the fuck up, and Let Avery talk?~! Fuck! Said the heart.

"Not much to tell..." I began. "I thought~? We could have had something..."

Together we just looked at each other in silence. He was quietly pondering, I was mousey, heart pounding in my chest. Each pump, was a reminder to not flip, to remain calm on display.

"I am sorry..." The alien sighed.

That feeling of embarrassment crept up my throat with a menthol sensation. "No, no, Garrus don't" I quickly interjected. "Its just all chemicals, mixing wrong. Brewing differently... Bad mojo..." The sentence died out, with less enthusiasm to continue my explanation.

Oh this was becoming a constricting clamp around my neck. The air was heavy, It was warm also. Or getting warmer, a vent or two open would be nice at this time!

"Garrus you're my best friend, but I need to avoid you for a while." In my chair I held my arms close, squeezing my torso tight. "Just a little while."

The alien looked as though I kicked his dog... If he had a dog. I don't think he'd know what to do with a dog. Heh, Garrus with a smallish fru-fru dog... Oh the image.

"I understand you would need time to diminish your feelings." Sparing the eye contact, Garrus, stood to his feet and pushed the chair under the table, "What ever it takes Avery..."

And it was over just as fast as it began. Right this moment I didn't know what to feel. Broken, relieved, sad, at ease, a jumble of an emotional barrel of different feelings that mixed together into a hug burden. A crappy burden, something to weigh on me for a few days. A week or two. Ah hell... This was too much, I had to get out of this room. I didn't know what exactly to do at first, but wondering the halls, my feet carried me to the blasted room of Joker again. His quarters were locked, just as I left it on my way out. That was when I had to beg EDI to pull some strings for me. After some convincing, I was inside. He was still asleep, stretched out more, but still down for the count.

"Joker?" Checking, I poked at his cheek.

I couldn't believe what I was about to do, the exact length I was willing to go to get rid of this nagging cluster fuck of 'girly' feelings. Lifting at the blanket I slid next to the man, feeling his warmth once again. Without hurting him either, I fidgeted around till snug as a puzzle piece. Fearing I woke him up, he grunted, turning over and wrapping his arms around my chest. Joker rested his chin in the nook of my neck, breathing and making tiny noises tickling my earlobe. A little tense, my body eased placing me in the best situation for sleep, even with scratchy chin hair on my skin. Within the arms of a friend, an unsuspecting friend, my eyes grew heavy till I was out.


	5. Connected at the hip!

So last one for a while. Going out of town and won't have a computer! What to do in my free time... what to do!

Enjoy! And don't forget to review!

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><p>He woke with a pressure on his chest, in his nostrils the faint scent of strawberry shampoo hoaxed him up. With crusty eyes, Joker forced them open. It was a struggle, but after a few blinks, the lids were half open. He started to notice his arm was tingling, the sensation of a sleeping limb was enough to keep him awake. Rolling his neck side to side, the crackling was satisfying to the resting bones. Before he could fully sit up and start the day, something was stopping the pilot.<p>

...**ME!**

"Ah shit, you're like a puppy!" He whined, stretching out his arms.

With his movement, came the grumpy moans echoing in my dry throat. I might just be groggy, but did he call me a puppy?

"Morning." I grumbled, nuzzling my head back onto his chest. For me, this was early, especially with the late night events.

His whining continued, "Your drool, is soaking through my shirt..."

"I apologize. Being alone last night, wasn't an option." In a yawn, I repositioned myself a little, lifting my leg over his.

"Don't do that, you're sawing my morningwood." He pushed my knee lower, just below his junk. "There. So, you want to talk about-"

I covered his mouth before he could finish. Under my hand he licked my palm with his fresh morning tongue. "That is fowl..."

"Use your words next time." Joker chanted while I rubbed my hand over his shirt. "I'll have to incinerate this shirt later."

Our wake up took longer than he wanted, mostly on my account. Even if my back ached from laying too long, I wasn't ready to give up on the hopes of sleeping in. The weight of my thigh might have been breaking Joker's hip as we spoke, and the drool soaking his shirt was becoming cold, nasty to lay in. Everything was working against me this morning!

"Avery, get up!" He roared, "My legs are cramping."

"Crawl over me!"

"You're breaking my leg, and your dreadlock is up my nose."

As a favor, I dragged myself out of bed, waited on the floor till Joker was up. He sat at the edge of his bed, yawning, bending his spine back. Settling in his spot, the space was cozy, better than where I laid before. With my eyes shut, i tried to sleep more, but he was pestering me.

"Will you be sleeping around? Your shift starts soon." Cracking my eyelid open, the sight of Joker undressing raped my good eye.

"Aww, you have a bathroom, get naked there!" I cried. He laughed, tossing his stinky shirt in my face. "That's wrong..."

It smelled like worse off his body than it did on, better than when my face was planted on it that's for sure. After that, I started to lose interest for sleep, plus my mind was becoming more alert. Curses, I say! Curses. Across the room Joker was strapping on his leg braces, underwear in all. I know I am a guest, actually an intruder, but he could at least show some decency. Damn he's a hairy man... His neck beard turns in to a chest beard, and a stomach beard, to a- I-don't-want-to-say beard. Assuming that is, judging by the whole fur suite.

"Hey Sasquatch, what did you do with my friend?" My jokes were mild, being awake an all.

"Wow, you are majestic in the morning." Finishing the last brace, Joker rested against the chair.

The floor was freezing my feet while I stood up to make his bed. "Just wait, you haven't seen me hungover yet."

"That's tickles my intrigue."

Mornings were great after a sleepover. The next night I found myself there again, but the night after, Joker got a break since I had some repairs to do in the engine room. Now, I do realize this all sounds rather strange. Joker and I, the way we treat each other, the things we say, do... For the two of us to be comfortable with an arrangement like this, to be honest, he has no choice. One of my many flaws would be this alone thing. Before Garrus came around, my friend was this homeless woman. Friend would be a strong word actually we shared a space to live in, but having her around calmed my nerves. Even when she killed my eye with a plastic fork, I stuck around. The woman was out of her mind. Actually to say that would imply she had a mind of her own, see she was one of those crazies that would yell at you for no reason. Her yelling of choice would be Christianity, faith of those who dwell on earth. I don't think she understood what she preached, what she did to my eye, where she was. It was like having a rabid cat...

The Normandy was a small ship when you're avoiding people. Well, one person. There I would be, minding my OWN business and WHAM, Shepard + Garrus = around every corner... At this point, its more TMI than FML. Their short meetings, I can say its romantic, I mean, the romantic side of me isn't completely dead or crushed, just maimed. But it was romantic. Stomach churning, spine crunching, disgustingly fluffy, romance. I am so down with love these days.

One of those Minding-my-own-business days, I was soldering a loose wire in EDI's control panel. Joker begged me to sever a couple, but I come to enjoy having her around. Not important, what was important was packing up my tools. The door was open, and in the hall was the couple themselves talking about... yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. They were planning a night to share together. Oh how deliciously unpleasant. Not saying sex is disgusting or uncomfortable, but hearing about someone else's sex life, someone you are not particularly liking OR care to think about, it can be. It really can be. In the heat of the moment, I shoved my earbuds in, slammed around my tools and walked out, like I was clueless. Probably over sold it with the cheerful whistle, we established this other flaw of mine. Bad Acting.

"Do you think she heard?" Shepard asked, showing no concern. Just that don't give a shit-tude.

Garrus simply watched as I entered the elevator, "Yes."

Out of breath, I charged the bridge, collapsing on the floor behind the doors. My toolbox crashed on the floor, scuffing at the smooth surface. Arms spread, my chest pumping up and down, I was in need of my inhaler or electric cigarette. I could decide.

"You can buff that out when your done with the theatrics."

I'll rip his legs off...

"Sure thing. Just let me die here." Behind each deep breath, I muttered what I could.

He spun around, from my point of view, I can see the disapproving stare he loved to lay upon me so much.

"I heard them... In the hall... Talking" Shiver. "About doing the deed." My legs crumpled at the thought.

"They work fast." Joker stood up. He was actually leaving his station. "Come on Avery... Cheer up." His encouragement came with the tapping of his boot.

"I have to get that scuff out of the floor..." Rolling over, my puppet strings were pulled move my arms and legs. Before doing so, I crashed into Joker's chest. Screaming into his chest, "This sucks!"

His arms hung at his side, I could feel the pulling and his unease. Against my back came a heavy obligated pat on the back. "There there..."

Regaining composure, I broke away leaving him just standing, laughing at me... What a friend.

Just like my ex box-mate, my mind was slipping away. My left ear was kinda stuffy, maybe it was oozing out! I once read an article about a boy who was born without a bone behind his nose, and since birth his nose was escaping through his nose... They fixed the lad, but the pictures- wow, brave little guy. Could that be happening to me? Fuck, of course not! I am just a fricken drama queen damn it. The scuff came out, and the rest of the Bridge maintenance was done in silence on my part. Probably freaked out Joker, I don't really know, because I wasn't paying much attention. Just swam in my own little world. Right till the end of my shift, leaving the pilot to his work. Ignoring everyone, first thing I did was grab my shower caddy and head for the group showers... Last minute, I ran and hid in Joker's room, since the large butch winked at me as she entered the showers. This was better, the man has a tub. I haven't taken a bath since the cows came home... I've never had cows so you can do the math.

Using my shampoo and body wash, I made my bath into a bubble bath. I've always wanted to take a bubble bath! Excited, to say the least. Without thinking about being visibly naked in his room, I sat back and relaxed in the bath water. Strawberries and the smell of tulips filled the air. Hot water surrounded me massaging each muscle, washing away the aches and stench of a bad day. Aww my heaven, woman were meant to soak in hot water, we were meant to soak in a tub! Singing in the shower? Hell no, Singing in the bathtub. Sonnets should be written about beautiful moments like this. Poetry, harps being pluck ever so lightly, while angels hum... Shutting up now, even in my head, bath time deserves quiet.

"Avery?" I heard a familiar voice call.

And this wasn't happening. This wasn't happening...

"This is not happening..."

Around the corner, he showed his face. When I specifically said- Grr.

"Do you have a minute?" He asked, before catching the sight of me. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was told you'd be here. Didn't know you were bathing."

"Its fine Garrus. All the good stuff is covered, have a seat." Sitting up, I made sure that everything was in fact covered.

The initial mood... I'm not even going to into that. The angels can pack up, since I am pretty sure the harp player left when he came in. He wasn't speaking, and lack of words was quite... Annoying. I'm naked, my water was cooling off, and he was staring.

"This is becoming one long minute sir."

He just sat there, leaning against his knees and staring at the ground, "Well, I didn't know who to turn too."

My friend sounded serious, for a second I thought someone died. Or perhaps he really needed to talk.

"Garrus, what's wrong?" Sitting up, I hugged my knees to be modest. "I'm still here for you."

The concern in his eyes worried me. Despite my coverage, he couldn't look at me, not even in the eyes.

"I need your help- Well, advice actually." He coughed and began.

"Anything." I took his hand, he squeezed it in return.

"How? With a human female anatomy..." Oh no... "Do you pleasure one of your species?" Fuck.

"Oh Fuck Garrus?" Ripping my hand from his, I made a rapid dive into the tub.

Allowing my feet over the side, my head was dunked under suds. I can hear Garrus, calling my name. Now, the trouble with water as a hiding space, is that air issue. Turns out air isn't a luxury, but a necessity! My head was covered with bubbles, soap burned my eyes and I'm pretty sure in my panic for air, things were exposed. Like I give two shit at this current time.

"I can't believe this, I just CAN'T believe this." This chant carried on for a while. Didn't really stop, but my lips quit after my brain snapped back. "Okay, lets get this over with."

Out of the tub, I quickly dried and dressed in some of Jokers clean clothes. He'll yell at me for sure, who cares. He has some strange patterned shorts... Very Psychedelic underwear. I'll be steeling these, Joker will hate me after that. At a table, we were reviewing an anatomy chart over a tablet. The basics, stripping down the embarrassment, and trying my hardest to use grown up words, I feel for parents who talk to their kids just now. Here I am with a full grown alien who knows whats what with his own kind, who never was shy to talk about sex to begin with, and I'm still struggling

"There are two~? Two, points of entry you can. Enter, in." Starting my lesson, just the mental image of Garrus and Shepard tripped me out. As a girl I definitely imagine him with me, that was much sweeter, or was. "Aim at this one."

At 26 the last place I wanted to be, was here in Joker's room, playing Sex Ed with Garrus while I fingered over a picture of a vagina. But he was my friend... Repeating that, took the sting off.

"I don't want to put you on the spot, but? Will you fit in there?" Asking was mortifying.

"My research, I found this area stretches-"

"AH, Yes, but it could hurt if its too big." Dying inside, little by little. "Also, too~Er, long.. Could be bad too..." I added.

Garrus nodded. "I'm sure it won't be a problem."

Great, good, good. Pointing at the screen, we came to the forbidden hole. And I thought vagina's would be rough topic.

"This is easy. I don't know how kinky the woman is, to be Frank, I don't REALLY care to know. Only trek here, if she asks... ONLY!"

I'm sure at this lesson point, I could act as woman, one of those terrible females. I could have sabotaged their first union... The wrong hole bit. Heh, That would be a great prank, but small ship, I'd be easily caught.

"Isn't that where you human's-" Garrus asked.

"Yes." I interrupted.

"What if I-"

"Just listen to the woman!" I shouted. He was worse than a virgin.

"**No**, toys are **not** required. Those are just ads that turned up from your search results."

"I don't know what lesbians do."

"I'm sure she'd enjoy it _more_ if you washed your hands."

"Protection is probably a good idea."

"Try not to ingest anything. Vice Versa."

"**I swear** toys aren't required. **They just want your money.**"

"Not _all of us_ have nipple rings. **Where the** _hell_ did you get that idea?"

"_Usually_ men of my kind can't get it up after drinking, Turians **might** be different..."

"**Do not** try to suffocate yourself at climax, are you serious?"

"..._Well hopefully she won't die from it._"

"**No**, Joker and _I_ _are_ **not** an item, focus!"

"I still don't know what lesbians do. ..._exactly_."

"**This is not a time for knock knock jokes!**"

"I PROMISE YOU, Toys are not necessary!"

Before I knew it an hour flew by before I could.

"Now that we got the basics down!" Exhausted to say the least, Salvation was at the palm of my hands, so I gently rested my face inside. Rested in the darkness. "Things don't...? You don't just GO at it. You need to~? Uh, Warm up the engine."

Now, we get to discuss foreplay. Turian have quite a different idea when it comes to foreplay. At least that's what I've heard. Luckily my hell didn't last any longer, Joker arrived just in the nick of time. Never thought the sound of his limp would be music to my ears.

"Jeff, help, Jeff!" I pleaded.

Definitely caught him off guard. I'm sure a tired pilot expected nothing more than an empty room, especially with no roommates. His head shot up, and his eyes burst wide. Poor man even jumped in his boots.

"What the hell is going on?" Joker demanded.

On the table, he tossed his pocket contents, while examining the situation.

A Turian.

A girl wearing nothing but his shirt and underwear.

A female anatomy chart with focus on the genital region.

All sitting in HIS room, at HIS table.

And on top of all that, I asked for help. Surprise!

"Joker, you've knocked boots before right?" His brow perked at the terminology. Clearly he wasn't in the mood.

"A few times..." He answered, trying to put two and two together. "Oh... Okay I get it."

Walking around, Joker forced me out of my chair, "Get up, move it." He muttered nudging at me. I didn't even get a second on my feet before he was in the chair. He took the tablet and threw it at his bed where I took a seat. "Here take your vagina with you."

"Its not my vagina!" I hollered looking at the picture. "Mine doesn't look like an old woman crying... Or an obese oyster- Oh wow, what is going on with this vagina?"

Never have I heard such vulgar, graphic talk... Well I have, you've got to be kidding me, I lived on the streets! This was regular joe chat ha! Still, strange from Joker's mouth. He actually surprised me, helping Garrus like this. Despite that stick remark too, just fantastic, especially since I was off the hook. Yup, my days as a Sex Ed teacher were slowly coming to an end. But I think Joker has it in him to be one, if this Pilot stuff doesn't last.

"Those are pretty much the magic spots on humans. Finger tips are great, but tongue to them are better." Time flew, I was playing Solitaire paying no attention to the men talking about oral... Lovely.

Garrus was leaving after Joker's long sex advice conference. The man could write a book, seriously thats how long it took. But now he was gone, alone in his underroos and shirt only meant the wrath of Joker was upon me. Waiting for it, I was patiently laying on his bed, yet nothing came. Instead, he started to strip down walking around the corner to his bathroom, just glaring at me. Out of sight, I just laughed, what a dip. Gah, I am such an asshole. The shower head started to sputter, his clothes flew into the room on the floor. The discarded clothing nagged at me so much, I picked them up and tossed them into his hamper.

"Oh My God, This shampoo feels so great over my man skin. Aww!" Joker called out, "And this loofa, It just rubs me the right way if you know what I mean!"

"Oh, you son of a bitch..." Standing near the door way, I balled up his uniform and threw it over the shower curtain. "Take that!"

"Shit, You bitch, Shit, shit, shit." He panicked before peaking out, "You're lucky I have spares."

"Where are they? I'll dye them pink..."

"Oh, that would really compliment my complexion."

What a dick, his sarcasm always took the fun out of threats. I'll just hide the towels.


	6. Oh sorrow, you bitch

Alas! I am home. Good be here, I get to go back to school work and writing on the side.

Yay!

Thank you for the reviews, I am glad you all like this story.

Big question is: Will Avery and Joker get together?

We'll seeeeeee...

I mean, not as if its hard to guess, I think you all know by now. You guys are just WAITING... OH THE ANTICIPATION!

Wow, can't you tell Avery was created partly after me?

Har har.  
>ENJOY!<p>

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><p>Did I mention how terrible the size of this ship is? Nothing I would love more than a vessel the size of the citadel. Oh! That's right: After this stop on the strange Asari infested planet, we are going to the citadel! I have never seen it, but I heard it's big. Heh, wow. Inside my head I could hear Joker: "Damn right it's big." in his low nonchalant voice he gets when something is funny yet rather dirty. Jeff has been easy on me as if late. Being disconnected from my best friend, even by choice the loss weighed on me. He's been a sanctuary for my nerves. Not that we really have butterflies and chocolate cake kind of relationship, but in the meantime it was a nice time. I loved the kind of relationship we have, two big kids on a sleepover. Our sleepovers continued more than a couple of times a week. It's become our daily ritual. As much as Jeff claimed me as a burden, he liked it. Because even with his hard personality, the sarcasm, cocky attitude towards everyone, I sense his loneliness. If he ever heard me say that, I'd be thrown into space without a tank. For two lonely fucks in the middle of a hectic mission, stuck on a ship, on most days in the middle of the ass-crack of the galaxy, our friendship was a treasure. I don't hide how much I miss Garrus. In fact I could feel my love for him morph, molding itself to something less lustful and needing, in that lover sort of way. When I think of him, or catch the glances he gives Shepard, my heart swells a little. He's found his happiness, in this crap ass place. I find myself more jealous of love itself, than Shepard. Healing is good. Its a hell of good fucking thing.<p>

"Oh, you broke it!" Didn't I tell you how childish we were?

Joker found himself scrambling to undo what be calls a 'Miss calculation.' I know better. He was trying something EDI would turn red about.

"Shut up, I didn't do anything wrong!" His fits when pressed under my thumb, fluttered my amusement. "just missed a button."

"My ass, you're the best pilot ever, remember?"

He shot an evil glare directly at me. "Maybe if I wasn't kept up all, I would be the most brilliant pilot ever!"

"Hey, You love my retro Movie Night!" screaming back, his hands hovered over his ears, shaking at my shrieks, "I know! Just shut up!"

See, he loves it.

"Everything alright up here?" Our joints froze, and the laughter halted drastically.

"Tip-top Commander, tip-top..." his muttering distracted from his fingers, finishing up his correction.

"Nothing to worry about here. This girl is pretty sturdy, any repairs at the dock should only be minor." After my report she nodded, even flashed me a smile... Damn you Shepard! Why are you so nice?

Her exit was quick, doing her rounds before heading to her private quarters. My fists crashed over the table, bouncing my coffee into small splashes. If the distress wasn't obvious, my grunting sealed that speculation.

"Don't like the commander?" he questioned, still focused on his work.

"It's not that I don't like her..." I began, civil as they come. "She just makes it hard to hate her." BAM, all maturity~ Gone!

"Shit, are you going on a female rant again?" Joker was always on eggshells during these. My guess, they man never had sisters.

Turning my seat, I tried to explain. Though, every explanation was blurred of sense or fuzzy of logic.

"Part of me just wants too... My girly pride is bruised that she got the prize." my thumbs fiddled around, "I'm not even burned anymore, just the competitive side of me is bruise."

To my surprise, the greatest pilot in the world carried two cents for the thought.

"I know that tune." he began. "I might tell you the story sometime."

Oh how he teases me. If he were a female, she'd be the worst tease ever.

"Maybe later?" mousy, I asked softly, hoping he didn't catch my question.

His hands smashed the arms of his chair, before spinning around. "Thought you weren't burned anymore! You just said that, you said that not two seconds ago! What changed!"

His come down was hard. Almost made me back off...

"But Joker, I can't sleep without you!" I jest, leaping from my seat to his feet.

"I must have a curse..." His attention glued to the screen.

"Am I that bad?" Questioning with all seriousness. I mean, he said curse...

"No, not that... Just women, they're so clingy to me, I'm just a magnet." Oh, what a bullshitter...

Standing up, I touched his hand. "Oh you poor thing..." Patting his leg, every time I said 'Poor'. My pats became harder and harder till he hissed through his teeth. I kinda got carried away with the poor's, just that sadistic animal course in me... Spirits, that sounds insanely criminal. Remind me to never utter those words.

"I'll stop by later and massage that out." I chirped. He held his leg and simply nodded, flying the surrender across that scruffy face.

After a quick issue with the men's toilet, no fuck that, a long drawn, cry baby ordeal with the men's toilet being clogged, I was free. After a quick shower, I felt fresh as a dandy daisy, skipping to Joker's quarters. My clearance was granted, which shocked me since I'd usually beg EDI to unlock the damn thing. In the main room, not a soul was present. His desk was empty, but signs of Joker were sprawled about in the usual messy fashion. It was around the corner did catch a terrible mimic of a jazz band... Bathroom. Swishes of water, tapping against the metal tub, oh no... Steam vanishing at the different degrees of the rooms. Insight, a fogged mirror... How sufferable.

"Are you really using your-" my voice, loud. With the image in view, hushed. Till my hell broke loose, "Oh my shattered soul, you are!"

I slammed against the sink counter, grabbing an edge and staring deep, into the drain. "And on top of that, you're naked!"

My stance was anchored into the floor, while he just chirped in his normal tone, completely not phased by his visible goodies. Certain naughty pieces that were very very visible! Screw you water! You're so filtered, so clear, so- fuck my new eye is malfunctioning.

"In the tub, naked in the tub..." He leaned backwards, using his arms for support. "That cute little gesture earlier did a number on my leg. The doc suggested a hot bath to work the kinks and aches away."

Spinning rather quick, I saw... More. And, wow. I am... He... Oh my word... He wore his hat in the bath? Every second I clamp my eyes, switch to mouth, switch to eyes, back to mouth. Joker's body, right there. In the flesh. Oh hell, flesh!

"It is insane, how comfortable you are right now." Leaning against the sink, my toes panicked in my slippers and the peach fuzz on my arms shivered.

"Why not?" Joker asked me, "The water is nice, my leg is feeling better, thank you for asking on it's behalf. Not like you're at fault. But best of all, you're red as a sunburn and the nervous twitches are heavily noticeable."

Check.

"It's like you are a scared of a penis."

Mate.

Fuck him and his obviously confidence. No, not actually! Like screw his face. Ack! Damn it! I hope he falls out of the bath at this point... Gah, my head. For someone that protested against this image so much, I certainly stood there long enough. And what the fuck? I peaked at his nakedness quite a few times. What in the galaxy is wrong with me! Avery you perve. Ugh, I KNOW!

"How about you get out and I crawl under the table and cry?" with my hand stretched away, my hand was used as a censorship bar while I tip-toed from his nudity.

"How about you drop it, stop longing and jump in with me?" The features on his face changed. Eyes dimmed, lips perked into a spyglass smile... A look of seduction.

For a moment I stopped, stunned. Then for a second time, I cried. Loud. "OH MY GOD!"

Behind my dust trail of hauling ass out, his barking echoed into the main room. What a dick... And he also ruined my love connection with that bathtub.

"I will never love again.." my mouth moved while a daze captured me.

"Save the dramatics Buttercup." Joker emerged, towel clad and still wearing drops of water.

Oh I hate him...

_

"So... You're shockingly comfortable in your birthday suit." He crawled on top of the bed, spinning around and plopping on his back.

Continuously Jeff adjusted his pillow, while holding his pad to play solitaire. The repeated beating of his pillow was poking my last nerve every time he lifted his head. "Anything to bust you..."

"I will crush your soul..."

"Better than my bones." Lifting his arm, he sniffed his armpit and took a big gulp of air, exaggerating at the freshness. "That soap of yours, smells like flowers."

"I will crush your soul." My lips repeated, tempted to shove a wrench up his ass or in his ear. For now I settled with a childish button smash on his solitaire.

After he punched me in the shoulder blade and I pulled his thumb back to kiss his wrist, we settled down. Sprawled out over the messy bed. I laid back on the wall against the bed. Shifting my ass around trying to reach a comfortable position, his large thigh crashed across my lap. Hairy and bare, it weighed a ton... There's the dramatics again, but seriously: for a man with limited use of his legs, he sure worked out.

"Do your duties woman." Joker played his game, focusing on the cards. I blinked at the direction of his face, assuming he still had one, and it wasn't completely fused to the pad.

"Duties? Woman? Your? I do not know the meaning of these words."

Peering to the right side, he snuck a glance and went back to his game. "You said you'd massage the damage out, now get to it."

"Its not even the same leg!" I squealed. "I beat the other one. Plus you said it was feeling better!"

"Well then you can massage both. I'm not picky." Wiggling around his leg, the mass wobbled side to side on my lap. "Get to it."

Looking at the hair, a strange idea came over me... "Spirit, I would love to wax your thigh for giggles..."

Suddenly my stare became an obsession, "Holy fuck, is this how they prepare you pilots for the cold of space?"

A mole hid under the hair, "Oh! Look, you have a mole!"

Then, upon further inspection, I saw it... I saw something that intrigued the deepest, darkest, female obsession, which plagues all of us, no matter HOW Much your friends deny it!

"You. Have..." I muttered leaning closer, wishing for a flashlight! "An ingrown hair..."

Before I attacked, he waved it off. "Probably do, doesn't matter."

Thats when I surrounded the little bastard with the help of my thumb nails. Gently at first I pushed at the fucker, learning thy enemy... Jeff twitched a bit. Carefully my nails dug further, choking the pore. As I pinched more, Jeff became aware, chanting ow's every second till I got the satisfaction of a unclogged pore. The puss was all over my nail and the area bled a little, while he screamed at me. With the rush of a sick-nasty job well done, my ears blocked him out, but I did hear "What the fuck is wrong with you!" among it all.

At one point Jeff shot up, rubbing at the pore. "Fucking hell!"

With a husky chuckle, I showed the remains, clearly grossing the man out.

"You're sick." He hissed.

"I know, I can't help myself!" I confessed feeling the same way, "I am a sick son of a bitch!"

I am... I really am...

"...sorry, I can't help myself really. Its what makes me a female." Creeping next to him, I laid my chin on his shoulder. It was muscular like his leg, thick and tight at my touch. When the hell does he get time to work out? "I know a Joker who wants to cuddle!"

Even from where I sat, I could feeeeeel his eyes roll.

"Oh hell, puppy dog." He laid back, reluctantly opening his arm up. "You'll force me otherwise."

"Deep inside, I know you like this." Curling up, we laid for a moment. "Is it so hard to admit you like me?"

Jeff pinched my arm, "Hehe, I like you, hehe"

"I mean friend wise jackass."

"Listen bitch, we're friends. I don't let everyone see me in my underwear." How sweet, that's a friend right there. "Besides, you're the only one I can get along with on this level."

"What does that mean?" I poked. "You have a bunch of friends on this ship, plus I am pretty sure that Kelly is eyeing you."

The body language was clear when he scrunched his upper lip, and rocked his head back and forth, "I... eh, nah. That girl is too...? Too...?"

"Too much of an ass kisser?"

"Tall, but that's a good point too. Plus she's bubbly, chipper."

"Puts everyone under a microscope..." Gosh, that is the worst. I imagine that girl alienates everyone because she treats them like a subject. Picking apart our feelings and actions. Grr, how it bothers me...

"She means well... As for the others: They are just acquaintances. No one I cared to befriend further, or start anything saucy with..."

"Did you say saucy?"

"Yeah."

"I see."

Placing his game down, Jeff turned to face me. "What about you? You only bug me, why is that?"

Hmm, why is that? Well, good question. I remember the first day on the Normandy, and about six of her crew thought my eye was creepy. The rest ignored me, the men hit on me like a cheap Asari. The off Cerberus crew is okay, I mean Miranda was quite helpful with my surgery despite her allegiance. Grunt scares me, not the cuddling type. Kasumi is very honest, she dominates a conversation and helped me lock the new length of my dreads. So she isn't too bad. Garrus, still distant. Then there is Tali who, I haven't met because she works a lot...

"You and me click..."

"Bull!" He exclaimed.

"Okay, so not at first! I feel close to you though."

"We sleep in the same bed almost every end shift."

"Not close like that, something deeper." I suddenly felt serious for probably the first time in my life. "There have only been a few people I liked, and could tolerate."

"I'm one?" His voice was uplifted, surprised in a pleasant way.

I nodded.

"Well, that's good." He smirked. "Only a few friends huh? I don't suppose the old woman who stabbed your eye was one?"

"She was... Things got tense after that though." True story... But she was bat crazy.

"The others?"

"Garrus you know, then a Drell from my childhood. He took care of me and a few other runaways in exchange for a few favors."

"Favors? He wasn't a pervert was he?" The man became defensive suddenly. I probably should have chosen my words better..

"He was an assassin. So little street urchins made great spies... He took good care of us, till he tried to turn us in to save his own ass."

My fingers played with Joker's cotton shirt, such memory was rough to wake. Life would have been very different outcome, if Mouse, a fellow orphan, didn't warn me and others. Could have lived like a convict, traveled withe the wrong clan, die? Whatever happened, would have been terrible. I thank the stars we were lucky.

"If I ever see Krios, I'll-"

"Krios?" The name interest Joker, but I don't know why... "Thane Krios?"

What the hell...

"How do you know that name?" I sat up, freaked out... "Tell me!" Grabbing his shirt, I pulled the pilot off the bed with the strength conjured by anger.

"Whoa, I'm your friend remember?" Joker panicked, "Commander just recruited a Drell named Thane Krios."

Before he could finish, I stormed out of the room, demanding EDI tell me Shepard's whereabouts. I was pajama clad, strange colorful boxer shorts and an old sweater. Hair a wreck, verge of crying, fists clenched. The elevator took forever, my body was jittering knowing very well this wasn't a coincidence. How could it be damn it? He was here, and now that I know, I could sense him. through the halls, my feet stomped and I could hear the growls in my throat, and just the very rush drew my blood pressure so high, I'm surprise the fake eye didn't pop out.

My initial plan was to question the woman, find out where he was and why the HELL he was allowed on this ship. There I go talking like I own this ship...

"Where is he?" I screamed. But when I looked to Shepard's left, the bastard Drell stood. "You!"

Running, I leapt across the table, punching the Drell in the jaw. He stumbled back, holding his chin with wide eyes. Commander Shepard yelled, Garrus grabbed my waist, struggling to contain the chaos.

"Avery, stop it!" Shepard scolded.

Stop? A rage thats been building forever? We should try and stop a raging bull in the middle of a charge. Better yet! Lets poke Grunt in the face over and over, then ask him politely not to sever our fingers.

"Avery?" Thane muttered, "Flushed cheeks dirty from the allies, bright eyes burdened by sorrow, a blissful grin when acknowledged..."

"Oh yeah? Is that it?" I spat, "Wanna relive your betrayal?"

I paid no attention to anyone, I'm sure they were confused. Mostly Garrus, who knew of my past, but never the name or face to my sad tale.

"Avery what are you talking about?" Why did I have to be restrained? My fist's wanted blood.

"Let me go!" My voice was screeching, and Garrus refused to ease up, "Fuck you, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Mouse told me everything!"

"Mouse told you what?" Thane stepped close, dangerous for him I'll tell ya that much. Trying my hardest to free my wrists, I made a fail attempt to head-butt him. "Damn it Garrus, let me have this!"

"Avery, what did Mouse say?" His hands cradled my face, gently, like I remembered. But I wouldn't have it.

Violently my head shook. Dreadlocks whipping around, probably hurt, but pain was blind.

"You never acted like this as a child, what happened?"

"Fine Thane..." It was then Joker entered the room, limping, almost out of breath.

"You can let me go Garrus, I won't try anything..." By the time, my body was tired from the extreme exertion, "Mouse ran up to us one day. Charlie, Linsey and I. He was in a state of panic, frightened to death it seemed. He told us, you planned on turning each of us in, to save your ass from incarceration. You'd go free, but we'd be either locked up or sold away for who knows what!"

"Thane?" Shepard questioned.

"Tell them Thane..." By my side Joker, took my wrist. He pulled my arm slowly, trying to escort me out.

"Don't do this to yourself Avery..." The first time, Joker showed concern for my well being. What a time to do it Jeff. What a time...

"No no... I actually would like to speak to Mr. Krios alone."

"Very well... EDI monitor Avery, make sure she keeps her cool. Warn me if she doesn't" Shepard stared me down the entire walk out.

Followed by Garrus and Joker. As the door sealed, I slapped Thane across the face. It was almost like he allowed me... It wasn't right.

"Don't do me any favors doing that Thane."

"You're angry. I understand why." He understands... Oh he understands.

"I trusted you. You were the only father figure I had and you ripped my heart out." As the warm tears started to fall down my face, the sting I've felt all too much lately... "I was only a child!"

"Mouse lied..." The Drell began, "Its obvious now. Makes more sense..."

He place both hands on my shoulders. Tension was unbearable. I tried to pull away, but he forced my audience.

"Mouse said you were all taken. That one day you were suddenly gone." Wiping away the tears, he held my chin... "What ever reason he had, I'm sorry Avery."

Damn these people! Why can't I hate who I want to hate? Why oh fucking why?

"What if he was telling you the truth, you didn't even try to find us?"

"My mistake. But we can't live in the past... We must make peace with our past and move forward." That was when he released me.

Without a thought, I ran away. Out of the room, more upset than ever.

Right outside someone hooked my arm, reeling me into an embrace. I didn't think I could take anymore surprises today, though...

"Calm down, its okay..." He whispered into my hair... "You work yourself up too much."

Leaning against the wall, he didn't care about all the weight on his legs. Joker endured it all, just to give me support. 


	7. Confusion, Realizations, Chaos

Thank you Kit-cat99, anet86. Zero612, and el mano, for your kind reviews!  
>Here is 7<br>Enjoy  
>(Keep an eye out for 8, coming soon!)<p>

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><p>Here's some news: I am still a little upset. Yup, and like I stated many times over, THIS DAMN SHIP IS SMALL! To avoid two people now proved itself to be a challenge. Fucking hell, I'm getting too old for this. After the run in the other night, with a ghost from my past, I vegged. My body parked in Joker's bed, and I laid for days.<p>

"You're still sick?" Suddenly Joker walked through the door, two hours early off his shift.

"Yes, highly contagious. I may not last through the night." My words fell flat, and my body draped over the side of the bed, "My sweet Joker, Oh Joker... Please, tell the babies I love them!"

"Get the hell out, you are not sick!" He snapped, "And what babies?~?"

Sitting at my side, Joker pulled my arms, forcing my upper half up. Against my will, I now laid limp across pillows. The world is a bitch.

"Never mind. Just the idea of you raping me in my sleep is giving me the creeps."

My arm magically raised itself and slammed against his face. Oh sweet victory. What an ass.

"Are you hungry yet?" After a long spread silence, my stomach must have tipped the man off.

Turning my head, I looked out his window, "No..."

"Liar."

"No."

"Then what was that?"

"I farted."

"Oh you're adorable."

"I try."

"Get up." He nudged, "Food time!"

These days when I walked, my shoulders slouched. Joker and I supported each other while walking instead of me to him. What a sight: Man with glass legs, girl with a marble eye. oh yeah, what a couple... Couple? Hold up brain, what are you talking about couple? O h n o . What the hell is wrong with me! Can't have one guy, gotta jumped to the next, especially in such an emotional state of being! Oh fuck.

"Avery, are you okay?" Could it have been my sudden tension? "You locked up just now."

Crap, he's onto me. Quickly, think! "Will Krios be there?"

Oh way to fricken go Avery, just milk your problems for all they're worth! I've become one of those females, the attention seekers, leaches. This is the time when I run to the trash compacter, and lay on the trash belt.

"We can bring food back to the room." Looking to his face, Joker's expression was full of that concern he's been showing me lately. Don't get me wrong, its nice. Very nice. BUT, strange, especially for our relationship.

"Before jumping through any hoops we'll check out the scene first."

Now how the hell am I suppose to sit and eat with this guy, when my brain ninja'd me into believing I like him in the scandalous school girl way. Son of a bitch, son of a mother fucking bitch. I wanted a friend not something more.

Turning the corner to the cafeteria, Only a few people filled the tables. Couple of engineers, the ones picking up my load of work. Great. That girl I flipped off a few days ago, Wonderful. The creepy guys who breathe heavily and stare at my ass... Joy. OH, Best of all: Krios, Garrus and our dear Commander. Fantastic.

"I'm going to pass out." I muttered, feeling rising chunks from the pit of my stomach, crawling up my throat.

It seemed like everyone in that circle heard me. Each set of eyes bore into me, giving my turning stomach strange pangs. Where is that damn hole to crawl and die in, when you need it?

"Take it easy..." Joker nudged. Damn him. "Sit with the bitchy lady who hates you, and you won't see them."

Genius.

"Hi Mary!" I cheerfully sat next to the stink eye girl.

"Fuck off..." She shot back, standing up with her tray.

"Well, one down..."

The acid wearing at my back, the acid of their stares. I can feel it. Or is that an itch from no bathing or showering? A fork sat across from me, the only utensil on our table. Picking it up, I twisted it around with my fingers, trying to catch a reflection. SMART ONE, yeah a fork. Can see a lot in one of those! ...I need a damn spoon.

"Avery, a spoon or a knife works better." CAUGHT.

"Well, you know how much I love forks..." Without a care I tossed the utensil aside while Garrus sat across from me.

Hmm, It wasn't so bad.

"Avery." His smooth voice for the first time had no effect on me. Just another friend speaking.

Stubbornly, we sat staring at each other. "Garrus..."

"You're just a mess aren't you?" How kind.

"Really?" I snapped back, glancing around the room for any sign of Joker.

"No, you just refuse to forgive." The turian sat back, crossing his arms and giving me the lock down stare.

"Oh Garrus. shut up." A small laugh escaped my lips, scrambling to shake off his eyes.

He leaned forward, almost reaching for my hands. "Its not healthy Avery. We've been through a lot, even over coming your abandonment issues as best as I could help. Now you have the chance to finally put this behind you, move on with Joker-"

"WHOA, Hey! I don't know what you're implying with that Joker remark. But I'll tell you now, nothing will ever between us like that." Did I snapped harder than a board just now? Maybe my voice could have been lower, little less panic. Ugh...

Meanwhile... What Avery didn't know:

"You're crazy, Jeff..." The pilot stood behind the divider, cursing himself. The conversation he over heard, smacked him on his blindside. Sure she was a bitchy, bratty, and talked a lot. Ruined his sleeping arrangements. He was also sort of mean to her, "Damn it." His brain shouted. The scolding was so loud, every thing else seemed to blend into the background, missing the rest of Garrus and Avery's conversation.

"Never say never. Look at Shepard and I..." Garrus propped himself up on his elbows, giving me a mental image I don't want despite my past feelings.

Though he did have a point. "Okay, so you have a point."

"Do not agree with me, just to shut me up." He retorted.

"I'm not!" My voice shrieked. "You're right, I shouldn't say never..."

Ever.

"He is nice to be around..." I should have known better than to forget Garrus knew me, and was fluent in my mumbles. "A nice set of eyes... Nice-"

"What is all this 'nice' stuff?" Garrus questioned, laughing at my assessment.

"Its a girl thing. You say nice to dis guise what you really mean. Not just to yourself, but those around you." Oh spirits...

"Is that so? Just the other night Shepard said it was nice the way I-"

"OH! oh! No! NoO! We stop there, I'm going to find Joker, he has my food. You go~? Away now. Go. Bye Garrus, talk to you later... Oh my eyes." Standing up, the chair scraped against the floor, causing an unpleasing sound. While I stepped by Garrus, I patted his shoulder before he grabbed my hand.

"Don't let your past screw up your future." ...deep.

"I'm not ready to forgive Garrus. But I promise it won't ruin what little happiness I could catch."

After our chat, I walked around. Roamed the ship to clear my head, and be alone. Ugh, screw you Garrus for furthering my troubles. Well they aren't really troubles, a few are. Joker? I don't know. I want to say so, yet its not that easy. So I like him, I can imagine him more than a friend. Maybe I have thought of that bathroom incident, once or twice... few times. gah!

"I always remember being pushed around by some boy, then being told they do that because he liked me. Joker is a smart ass, his words can be sharp at times, and yes he can be very grumpy, but I like that! Can you believe that?" I sat on a crate talking, pouring my heart out. "Jeff has also showed me his caring side. And holy shit was that surprising, to see a hot and cold change, when you thought he was just putting up with you... Could that be what sparked it? I hate these gushy feelings, that warm flutter in your belly when you think about someone. You know what I'm talking about? Do you understand this battle I face everyday I wake up?"

Legion looked at me with it's blank stare. I have a feeling he didn't compute what I just spewed out...

"Should I start over again?"

Talking to an automatic door would have been just as good. I allowed him to return to work, while I headed back to Jeff's room... But did I really want to go there at this time? I could add him to that avoiding list. Spirits, what is wrong with me? Garrus mentioned my abandonment issues again. I thought they were swept under the rug for good, though I can't help but feel like this and the constant need to avoid people, walk hand in hand.

At Joker's door, the lock wouldn't open. I tried but it wouldn't budge. Knocking, I asked EDI to help. She wouldn't comply. I resorted to knocking harder, paging Joker till a sign of life emerged.

"Something's wrong with the door." I could only laugh at the embarrassment of the situation. Been through a door many times, and yet I couldn't open it... Silly.

"I think you should sleep in your own bed tonight."

Didn't sound like him. The entire vibe was all wrong. It was uncomfortable, like he was upset.

"Jeff? Are you mad because I ditched you earlier? It wasn't my fault, Garrus came over and-"

He sighed through the speaker, "Listen Avery, just go."

After that, I couldn't get a hold of Jeff. Door was locked, EDI wouldn't allow me in, and I was left outside with a bad ache in my chest.

"Jeff?" I tapped at the door... "Joker?"

"Avery!"

"No, you tell me what is wrong!" Yelling at the door, I forgot some folks were sleeping. "I know something is wrong, just have to let me in! JOKER? Joker! Jef-"

I was whipped through the door right when the villagers were sharpening their pitchforks and light their torches. As the door shut, Jeff pinned me against the door by a shoulder. His face was pretty peeved, sort of tired, but something beyond that wasn't right.

"If you insist on staying, you can sleep in the bathtub." Releasing his hand, he limped to bed, plopping down to lay with his back towards me.

He's so mopey. "Jeff..."

"No. I'm not in the mood."

"Obviously you are if you invited me in." Pouting, I sat behind him, rubbing his arm.

"Only because you were pissing off a lot of people."Jeff slapped away my hand, pulling the blankets over.

"What happened?"

Turning over, he eyed my face before turning back to the pillow. "Nothing, its my own stupid fault so just drop it."

A sick feel came over me, he was really hurting.

_

For the first time I thought about what he wants and let him be. I wasn't wanted, guessing I wasn't needed anyhow. Stumbling into my room it forced me to be alone, to think about life and all that I've been through. Taking out some pj's, I smiled. Ones I've stolen from Joker... This is when it came over me. Stupid. How FUCKING Stupid one person could be, and that person is me.

I have a home, I have friends. Finally I can look at Garrus and see a brother figure. Krios is back into my life through a BIG coincidence, even if I am still bitter a big part of me loves he is. But most of all, I have Jeff. Joker the pilot, best one in the universe, also my best friend. Now the hard part: Do I love him? Do I, Avery, really love Jeff? Or perhaps this is a crush, something I am making up in my head and blowing it out of control.

These thoughts took over for hours. Such a sucker to staying awake and torturing myself. Deciding it was time to sleep, I removed my shirt to change. It was that moment when the alarms sounded. For a moment, I thought EDI hated the sight of boobs, but all joking aside, this was serious. Everyone in the bunks woke up, skipping changing and heading straight to the hallways armed. Throwing my shirt back on, I ran over to EDI's console.

"EDI What's happening?"

"Avery listen to me!" Joker demanded through my communicator. "Run and hide, find a vent and make your way to the infirmary. Stay out of sight!"

"Jeff?"

"Go now!" Behind his voice the sounds of screaming and banging almost over shadowed his own yelling.

Out the hallway the chaos echoed. I found a small vent and tried to squeeze through it, hoping the inside was bigger. Luckily it was, and now to figure out the way. Sure enough, even in a time of emergency, I still couldn't hold myself together. One turn and I was flying down a vent shaft, tumbling down in dust, till my rag doll of a body busted through a vent cover. Thank my stars my landing put me right in the middle of that bitches room, opposite of the infirmary. How I love my luck and its corky turns. Across the way, Jeff slowly limped his way along, leaning against the walls.

As fast as my feet could fly, we slipped through the automatic doors together giving Jeff relief.

"Good." He simply said, while I held him up. "Hurry!"

We were off, to do what exactly? Honestly I had no idea. What was going on in the first place? Something terrible. Terrible enough for EDI to convince Jeff into handing over the ship. His nightmare was coming true, all over again. Which is why he must have been hesitant to trust EDI. In a time of panic, Jeff could not really shut up. The whole process, he stood there muttering shit. Chanting the word more than I, or EDI combined, have heard him say before. Then something about pie and Overlord... My blood was running cold, lacking flow to my head, so I can't really recall.

"I enjoy the sight of human's on their knees..." EDI joked, silencing both Joker and I.

"Comforting... Lets get going." Grabbing my hand, he pulled me to the ladder.

"Yours has a ladder? Mine didn't!" I complained.

"Shut up, follow me."

Once more He was stressed to extreme cursing. The whole crawl my mind was torn between the sirens, muffled cries, monstrous growls... Brought me back to childhood, being unbelievably scared of the littlest things. Now we were in real danger, and the fear is definitely brushing my spine.

I figured crawling in filth wasn't exactly the greatest time to talk to Jeff about earlier. Biting my tongue, silence held it well. Though my brain wouldn't shut up! THIS IS NOT THE TIME AVERY!

"Hostiles are present in engineering!" EDI warned us.

Feeling the urge to freak out, Jeff grabbed me. He held me close as well as my mouth. In unison we walked to the stairs. Checked. Walked up the stairs. Checked, and panicked. My eyelids crushed together, trying to forget the ugly things.

"I'm going to let go now, do not scream..." Jeff whispered.

Releasing me, my hands covered my mouth while I cried. "What are those?"

"Shhh." He responded, running to the console.

Shrinking down, I crouched down barely listening to EDI and Jeff.

"What about the crew?" I heard.

Standing straight up, I looked to Jeff. "They're gone Jeff. The Collectors took them."

Just before I could process her words, She spoke again. "I am sealing the engine room."

"Avery get in here!" He demanded. My foot almost came short but the doors closed.

A few buttons pressed, and EDI informed us, with a bright flash of light that she had control. The force drove Joker back. Falling directly onto me. Where did I land? Don't worry, in true Avery fashion, my head broke my fall.

Waking up was a haze. In my arms was Jeff, still in a haze himself. Not only did my head pound, but body ached from the landing. Jeff groaned, feeling the pain in his hips. Poor guy, definitely not a good fall. Then again, what is a good fall?

"Jeff, can you sit up?" Sitting up, I adjusted myself to cradle his head in my lap.

Normally he'd curse, cringe at my very touch. Instead, he hissed and moaned. "I think."

He struggled a lot more than usually when he sat himself up. With my help we got him to his feet, doing my best to support him with my injuries.

"Send a message to Shepard's shuttle. Tell them what happened." Pain filled each word. Not only physical but emotion as well.

Yes, he saved the Normandy, but at a great cost. He felt the same as last time. Ship disasters never get easier. He leaned over a rail to rub his face while I rubbed his back; never before, not even yesterday did I see him so upset and in agony.

"Message away, are you feeling well Jeff?" EDI was concerned, even calling him Jeff.

Helping him up he leaned against me, throwing the usual supporting arm around my shoulders. Reaching around his back, he took my hand resting on his side.

"No, but thanks for asking..." Together we walked away. heading towards any first aid box we saw first.

It broke my heart how silent he was. Not one word escaped his lips, just the grunts of a man hurting. I made him lay back on a bed, where he turned his head away from me towards nothing. Ripping an Aspirin pack, he fixed his neck towards my direction reaching for the pills. He chased them with water then waited a few minutes. After a while we headed towards the briefing room. This where we waited. Waited a long time for the team to head back. Once more he was silent. Leaning over like a sick dog. All I could do was sit next to him, and rub his back more. Honestly I didn't know what else to do, he was upset more than ever. We sat close, enough to use his aching shoulders as a head rest. Whatever tension or anger there was the night before, was gone now. Hearing sign of life behind the doors. Jeff grabbed my hand. His shook, using mine to stable him. 


	8. Wait? Never

Hi. Here is 8.

This was tough to write since I have no sexy bone in my body.

Yup. lol.

Enjoy.

* * *

><p>Shepard paced the floor, while Jacob leaned against the wall. It was peaceful right up the minute that bitch in tight leather waltz on in with MORE to bitch about. She scolded Joker, verbally beating him with absolutely no mercy. His hand clenched.<p>

"You lost everyone, and almost lost the ship!" She yelled. "Yet you managed to save your little pet rat." Miranda added.

"its not his fault Miranda." Jacob stood up.

Shepard quickened her steps towards the woman, getting in her face. "If I were you" Shepard began, "I'd stand down. Your blame has no support to back it, plus you are way outnumbered even with an empty ship."

It was nice to see the bitch put in her place, It was nice to see in such crappy times. Jeff was still in a bad place, she wasn't exactly lighting up. Jeff jumped down, walking towards the door. Sitting there I composed my thoughts, pieced myself together and walked to the catsuit donning chick.

"Listen Cerberus lapdog. You should be on your knees thanking that man and EDI. If it wasn't for them you would have MUCH more to report to your bastard superior. So how about you unlock your lips from that marble eyed son of a bitch's balls, thank EDI and Jeff OR! Shut the fuck up, and take your crotch jockey self to your INTACT office, where we all don't have to see you." In that moment I felt exhilarated. I AM AVERY, HEAR ME BITCH BACK!

Turning around, everyone was starring at me with huge eyes. Speechless, they were; And I think it was just me, but a hint of amusement was peaking in their faces. Taking my place back beside my friend, we started to leave.

"Fuck you Miranda. Eat a fat-" I tried to get it out but EDI slammed the door shut. Good thing, I had more to say.

"Thank you Avery." EDI spoke, "Yeah, thanks." Joker added.

"You two saved me." I said lifting Joker's arm. "I wasn't about to let that go without a broadway show."

Jeff was showing more struggle than usual walking. Obviously aspirin can only do so much with his condition. The walk to his room seemed like forever.

"You don't have to do this." Joker muttered coming up to his door.

"Dare me not too." I replied.

He aimed for the first chair he saw as soon as the doors opened. Sitting down, he felt a load of relief.

"Not now Avery." He snapped, gently pushing me away when I tried to help him with his boots. "I don't need the sympathy."

"I am not feeding you sympathy, thought we had this discussion a long while ago."

He tossed his hat off, flinging it onto his bed, "Then I don't want this 'I saved your life, I'm your slave' junk."

"Its not that either." My frustration came out in the tone of my voice. "But you did save my life. I would have been carried out or smashed by one of those giant crumb looking, ugly things."

"It was nothing."

"Nothing?" I questioned. "If it was nothing, why did you do it Jeff?"

I pulled off his boots against his will, casting them aside with his socks. In the grand gesture, frustration might have caused some unnecessary roughness.

"Why exactly did you save me if you consider it nothing?" I stood up, staring him down till he squirmed.

"A lot of people on this ship care about you." He blurted out. I didn't believe him.

"Like you, maybe?" After I asked, he rubbed his face and dropped his hands.

"You're my friend." He stated. "I care about you in that way, so if you're trying to get more out, there is nothing there."

Once more I didn't believe him. Storming out of the room, I headed straight to a bathroom for a shower. The top of my dreads were coated with dust, face, arms, clothing... yuck. And on top of all, I am in love with Joker, and he doesn't feel anything back... so he claims.

"Damn it!" I cried kicking the wall. "SHIT!" I hollered from the pain. FUCKING EH!

In the shower, my head banged against the steal. Sure I could have washed myself, but this self pity crap was much easier. Easy or not, wasting water wasn't a good idea so I at least wash my hair. In my room I remembered this was where it all started. Thinking all night, the terrible ordeal after. How I wished to be in a different room, especially since it was so quiet and empty. What a living hell.

Stubborn as hell, for the rest of the night I tried to sleep in my own bunk. So badly I tried to sleep, but it never came. I couldn't sleep in the new emptiness, or fall asleep knowing Joker was alone himself. On my feet, I stomped to his room. I could careless if he thought it was charity, he needed me, and I needed him. At the door, I could only beg EDI to open his door since he locked it once more. With no objections she opened it.

The room was dark, and he laid against his bed gazing at the ceiling. Jeff looked fresh out of the shower. Just shorts, no shirt, but a towel around his neck. Even his hat was missing.

"Really EDI? I wanted to be alone." He complained to the open room.

"Well I don't want you to be alone." I said, walking to his side. "I don't want to be alone either."

Taking a sign of defeat, he scooted over. Curling up, the familiar smell of his soap filled my nostrils. His skin was cool, and somewhat moist. Draping an arm around his chest, he wrapped an arm under my head, around my shoulder.

"How are you feeling?"

He filled his lungs with air, hesitating to answer. "Sore."

Not once did his eyes peel off the ceiling. For minutes I contiplated something else to ask or say, anything to break this tension that was becoming all too familiar. While searching for words, my fingers twirled his chest hair. My thumb caressed his skin, as I closed my eyes to take in more of his scent. My heart started to flutter, stomach twisted, actually feeling nervous.

"Don't do that." Jeff covered my hand. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea."

Clearly he wanted me to leave. Before I did, this was my chance.

"No." I couldn't handle it anymore, we all know I am a damn wimp when it comes to feelings and their affects.

Reaching up, I stretched my neck to meet his lips. At first he didn't take to it, rejected me with dead lips. Never breaking a moment, cautiously, I slid one leg over to straddle him. Holding his face between my hands, I planted kisses over and over till he responded. His hand grasped the back of my neck, while the other slithered around my back. As nice as the innocent kisses were, He parted our lips, tangling our tongues. Jeff sat up, groaning into my lips, but never severing the heat. I couldn't believe what was happening, this is really happening.

My arms wrapped around his neck, holding his head to mine. For brief seconds we would break away to look into my eyes, even caught a smile. That itself made my pulse race. Resting my hips another groan escaped his lips, throwing him back against his pillow.

"Sorry!" Knowing very well it was my fault, I jumped up and rested away against the wall.

For the first time I realized my love, also my fear of his condition.

"No, its okay." He whispered. "Come here..."

* * *

><p>+{[(WARNING!)]}+<p>

Mature content ahead.

If you don't like it, just scroll all the way till you hit the end of the page.

* * *

><p><p>

Holding his hand out to me, I was almost scared to press on. Almost. Returning back on his lap, I took his lips once more. Perhaps it was just hitting us: We could have died today. And tomorrow holds no promise. If not now, then when? Against his lips I pleaded for more. In a flash he pulled my shirt off, dropping it too the floor. Finding it cold, we slipped under his covers where he removed the rest of our clothing. I was now in my most vulnerable state. All up and down my body were scars from fighting and running, attacks and whatnot. If I weren't casper the friendly ghost, they'd probably wouldn't show in the dark so much. It was nothing to him, he didn't take a second look at any thing. Just moved his hands all up and down my sides, inching down my hips, kissing me softly.

"You're beautiful..." Breathlessly he repeated, along with other things. They all slapped a toothy grin across my face, ear to ear. Who knew he was quite the romantic.

Just like those terrible romance movies. Where love blossoms and it starts the slow motion love scene. Who knew it was really like that! Time was slowing down, and he was tender with every move he made. My skin shivered, textured with small goosebumps, waving across my body. Nervously I touched him, hands shaking as they traveled all over his back. Daring myself, my finger tips lingered past his waist to the sides of his hips, way too giddy to venture further. On my part, my every move felt foolish. On his, he was calm, collected, confident in every touch, kiss, bite. The sensation of his teeth against the sensitive areas, scrambled my thoughts.

Body temperature rose just when he found a spot. A certain area which his fingers drove and I caused a moan in my throat. He ticked around, driven by my change in faces. Biting at my bottom lip couldn't hide, at the ever growing charge. This surged to my toes, back up my spine. Best of all this feeling lasted till my hips rocked with his motions, enhancing the sensation. Didn't know it was in me, especially the sounds that came from my mouth.

With my chest rising up and down, Joker kissed between my breast, trailing up to my lips. "That was good." I grinned.

"Glad you enjoyed it." His wet fingers trailed up my stomach, tickling under my belly button.

His grin was faint in the dark. My hands roamed again, accidently grazing his member. At my gasp he chuckled. Swallowing the nervousness, Joker guided my hand down his body. A smile and a giggle kept breaking my cool. This ruined me while I caressed him, feeling his length in my grip. Noticing I was out of control, his solution was to occupy my lips with his.

"Even in the moment, you're a goof."

Laying on his back, Joker lifted my waist, guiding me over. With a final deep breath, I closed my eyes and took him in. Slowly, carefully through the tenderness. My body adjusted himself around his girth, while I tried to relax aswell. Leaning forward, my weight held against Joker's chest. He whispered encouragement in my hair while taking him fully. In unison we let out of breath of relief the worst was over.

Keeping a slow pace, we eased into a rhythm nudging his pelvis forward. It worried me just a little, we really should have waited. Though, tomorrow could change at the drop of a hat. Not too much too worry; so far real good. Brushing off the worry, my eyes rolled behind my head, concentrating on us. Not like it was hard, Joker made things easy for me. He controlled my movements, hands firmly planted on my hips. Swirling my hips, he rotated them in a figure eight. Just when I couldn't get enough, Joker surprised me, flipping us over.

"Your legs? Is-" He cut me off, with a hard thrust. "o O okay."

Returning to our steady pace, he linked his arms under my shoulders. Holding each other so close, we began to feel the warmth. Sweat formed over his head, and across our chests, it caught a breeze from the vents, cooling us down just enough. A surge began to grow from my core. It blossomed more after Joker's moan's echoed in my ears. I could only imagine what he felt. Whatever it was, he was nearing an end soon. My back arched, digging my face into a pillow and feeling my core tightening up before letting go in a sensitive pulse. Not too soon after, Joker held himself up, releasing all the build up. His muscles clenched before collapsing on my chest.

I wrapped my arms around him, caressing his hair while we caught our breathes. His heavy panting against my chest, cooled the moist layer of sweat. Slipping over, we cuddled under the blankets, lingering in the quiet atmosphere. It lasted right to the moment I laughed.

"What's so funny?" Joker asked.

"This..."

He looked at me funny. His eyes narrowed and eyebrows knitted together. "You didn't use me did you?"

"No! No... Its just funny." I said, rolling around to lay against the crook of his neck. "Who knew."

"I see your point." Joker chuckled.

His fingers trailed up and down between my shoulder blades. Very relaxing, softly lulling me into sleep. A much needed sleep. 


	9. Wait, where am I?

Holy hell, its been so long my lovely people. TO BE HONEST, this was a tough chapter to write. I was stuck, trying to keep up Avery's wackiness, but serious, AND NOT Sappy or mushy...

FAIL.

There are some cheesy mushy gushy moments. Ugh sue me, : P ...No, don't really sue me please, school is already robbing me, ha ha ha... ha... That's the other thing, schooling has been keeping me from writing, like always. Oh well, here it is: 9! Hopefully 10 won't take as long.

PLUS, I know this is a little early, and I don't get things out on time for you... BUT WHAT about a sequel?

Like a sequel loosely based on ME3? Yes? No? Might ruin what we have going here?

Read and Review! PLEASE! :D

Thank you for reading!

* * *

><p>I bet you're dying to find out what happened. You're wondering if we survived, lived out our days together. Maybe had some kids, adopted a cat, and lived on the citadel. Or we could have died. But wouldn't that be a pisser? No no, its quite obvious what happened if I am narrating this...<p>

We died. YUP, dead.

…

…

…

**HA**, I am just messing with you! Nothing like being a complete dick. _OKAY_, honest truth, the mission was bumpy. Like, hellish, shitty, fucking worse than falling down a cliff, bumpy...

Waking up to Joker was the highlight of that day. This may have been the first time I woke up before him. I was fortunate to wake up just to hold him close in that light, awake/asleep mode. Being able to feel him entirely, warm skin, his hair tickling my nose... Any other morning I'd pluck the hairs just to wake him up... Yup, you know me. But this time, I tried to enjoy every minute we had.

"_Morning_.." He muttered, appearing to be asleep still.

In return, I reached up giving him a morning kiss...

Morning kiss...

Oh spirits. As soon as he parted his lips, and almost fell... Quite literally.

"**Holy shit**!" I cried wiping my mouth. Even going as far as taking the sheet to clean my tongue. "That is **NOTHING** like the movies!"

Husky chuckles came from Joker, while he rested his arms under his head. "Morning breath baby..."

"And here I was, thinking we'd hit the round two bell before getting up..." Laying back down, I laid over his chest and resting my eyes for as long as I can.

Joker's hand roamed up and down my back, while he yawned. "Nothing I'd like more... But my body is killing me as it is."

Oops, that's right, we took a tumble before the _t u m b l e_ . . . heh heh...

That was the morning in a nutshell. Full of mushy moments and morning breath... yuck.

Preparation for the mission flew by, maybe because we didn't have to do much. Head to the bridge, and sit in chair. Easy. Right, unlike the rest of the crew...

This was rough. Everyone was in their gear and ready to jump into action. I had to give Garrus a hug, do that whole promise to come back in one piece. AND yes, I even surprised Thane with my concern. He embraced me, melting away all hate and resentment. It was a beautiful feeling of letting go... Kasumi snuck one off me too, she grabbed me from behind and squeezed the breath out of me. WHO KNEW she was a huger! Maybe I did have a friend in that girl. And Shepard, that woman gave me slick grin and a forceful punch on the arm. It fucking hurt like at mother fucker, but the gesture was nice. The one thing that caught my happy ass off guard, was when Miranda updated my eye's software.

"If you'll be covering our asses out there, I won't have you fuck up." Miranda can be a tulip, can't she?

So like I said, the mission was bumpy. Bat shit crazy bumpy. Joker was like superman, taking full charge of the ship. I felt like wonder-woman actually staying on track, even with my ADD! Right away, he saved us all by avoiding a grave collision with space debris. Its only logical that a mission stamped: Suicide Mission, would only get better and better. By better, I mean shitty! After, we were being chased. Joker lead the ship through more debris, to shake off these things. Countless ships shattered and twisted, tightly knitted together, he lead the Normandy through, leaving us all on the edge of our seats. We ended up crashing. An unethical landing I jested. Making jokes to lighten a mood always helps, except when Miranda's boney body falls on you.

"Oh yeah, that was awesome..." With the air punched out of me, each word was like a gasp for oxygen.

The situation became serious when the suicide mission was turning out to live up to its name. The ship broke, in a nutshell. I could explain, it is my job, but lets face it, THAT IS BORING. Boring as hell. You know how many times I almost fall asleep assessing damage, and reporting it? Three times! Looks pretty professional, standing in place in front of the Commander, and dozing off... Anyway, the troops left the ship, while I repaired and Joker monitored. EDI gave us updates on their location while listening to the progress on the communicator. Turns out the ship wasn't a loss, through the brilliance of EDI and my skills, we had the red cleared to green in no time. Now, it was just a waiting game. Listening to the chaos coming through so clear, you'd think they were fighting on the Normandy. With my duties complete, my time was spent on the bridge at Joker's side. I helped here and there, but my expertise weren't very useful. So I did just as I did day one: Monitored little things, while Joker and EDI do their magic.

I can remember the suspense echoing through my arms down to my hands. They shook violently, along with the nervous chills sending waves of goosebumps all over. I was so focused on my hands. Such fascination came over me, how the body reacts when in danger. The only thing keeping a nervous rash from spreading up my neck, was Joker near by. While sitting in my chair, watching my hands shake, I discovered he makes little grunts while he pilots the ship. His nose sometimes stuffs up, causing Joker to sniffle every now and then. His favorite word is "shit", and every now and then, he'll lift his hat to air out his head... Somehow, past all the fighting, and blasting coming over the communicator, my ears and eyes picked up on all this.

He was incredible that day, and EDI was poised as usual. Nothing made me feel so useless, yet at the same time honored to watch a great team at work. Joker and EDI assisted rescued crew members safely back, without any casualties. Despite facing death, many of the crew members got down to business, taking their positions like they never left. Only the elite, they said, comes on the Normandy... Heh, I am an elite engineer... Oh shut the fuck up, I can pretend right!

Time flew, and more returned. Besides three: Shepard, Miranda, and Garrus. His missing presence ached my stomach. Twisted and ached, it was terrible. It was nice when Thane took my hand, and led a prayer. He encouraged me to take a moment, meditate, clear my head. Well, it didn't do much. With EDI talking about the giant reaper, and the cries of and rantings of traumatized crew mates, the anxiety was beginning to itch itself into full on episode. A loud crash, almost busting the speakers came through. After the sound, a haunting silence took over. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Whether it was the sound of a broken communicator, or something far worse, panicked us. Diving to a computer, I punched up some codes, changed around settings, with hopes each one of my attempts to figure or resolve the problem. Anything... With much static and each channel offline, EDI and I found a live line... it was just a matter of waiting.

"...Ah shit." A woman came through.

A rough and tough Shepard no doubt!

"Commander!" Joker called.

"Did the ground team make it?" She asked.

"Everyone made it, just waiting on you." How Joker can remain so calm online, amazed me. I'd be screaming like a frightened mother over that mic.

He's a professional, score!

"On our way!" Shepard responded.

With the Normandy back up and running, I was thrown on my ass as soon as she accelerated.

"Sorry babe." Joker Smiled.

I was eager for stable ground. Ground that didn't move. I can't wait till we docked!

"Time to shoot things. I don't do this enough..." Joker sprung out of his beloved chair. It was just a first for a lot of things this week.

He grabbed a gun and limped his way to the ship's door, giving me instructions to help them board...

And.. that was it. Wait? That was it? What the hell! I was there, why am I drawing a blank, what the hell is wrong with me! …. Come to think of it, where am I right now? Its cold, the room is bright, I feel like I'm wearing nothing. ...What is going on? Fuck me, did I really die? Oh come on, I was just kidding about that!

… I don't want to die.

"Mrs. Moreau, you're not going to die." A woman in white. A woman in white!

Angels, bright lights. It all adds up, I'm dead.

"Send me back!" I cried, "Shit, there was so much to do!"

Flinging my arms around, agony spread through out my body, and I felt tugging on my hand. Tugging? Wait, am I chained down to the gates? Why am I laying at the gates? Why am I asking myself all these questions when there is a woman in white standing next to me?

"Relax, relax, relax..." She chanted, holding onto a tube~ thing...

How can I relax, I mean really lady! I am dead, and heaven is pretty shitty...

…

"You're just fine, youre recovery is going beautiful..." recovery she says?

...Recovery.

"What the hell happened!" My outburst took everything out of me... I was suddenly fatigued, and dizzy.

"Don't excite yourself, let the sedatives kick in." Wait, is she a nurse or a doctor? Heh, I like sedatives... I am feeling ...Light. "Lay still, and I'll call your husband."

My husband...? "I'm not married Ma'am."

"hush now..." Usually I would be quite pissy about the shushing thing. But whatever she gave me was really putting me on a cloud.

"Sure thing..."

I'm not sure exactly how long that shit knocked me out, but upon waking up again, Joker sat in the chair with his reading pad. He was very clean. We're talking trim beard, clean uniform, shined boots and surprised as hell to see a white sheen to his hat. Holy shit, maybe now I am dead.

"Hi." Oh spirits, my throat. It was so dry, trying to speak made it sore.

Joker tossed the pad in the empty chair next to him. Leaning forward, he was smiling taking my hand... hmm soft hands, what did he get a manny? What a lovely man, lovely hands...

"Look who's awake." Joker chirped. Chirp, chirp, chirp... chirp!

"Concussion?" He asked, turning around to the man behind him...

"She was heavily sedated... Its only natural she'd still feel a bit delirious."

He was wearing white as well. Where is his minion with the awesome syringe, of~? Awesome...?

"The wound is healing nicely. So well in fact, Mrs. Moreau's discharge is processing as we speak."

Discharge? Why isn't anyone talking to me? I tapped Joker on the nose, lightly till I got his full attention. "What, the, hell, happened? Tooo, me?"

"Oh that's right." Scooting forward, he moved hair that was sticking to my eyeball... joy. "You got caught in the crossfire while we picked up Shepard. The bullet caught your shoulder, sent you flying back and hitting your head pretty hard."

"...Awesome." I mumbled. That explains the holes in my memory. "What is this Mrs. Moreau crap?"

"They couldn't treat you without a complete file."

…

"Really, what were they going to do?: Have you guys take me to a drugstore?"

He chuckled under his breath, then took his hat off to scratch the top of his head. Seemed as though he was hiding behind the thing, scratching at his nose and under eye. The doctor excused himself, leaving the two of us alone. Leaning over my bedside, Joker swung his hat by the bill, watching it swing between his fingers like a pendulum. Then he tossed damn thing, as if I were a carnival game. It landed lopsided, but almost on the mark of my crown. With my apparent good arm, I adjusted the hat so I can see his face better. His flushed, face.

"You scared the shit out of me." Joker confessed, keeping up a Jokeresk face.

"So you do like me now?"

"I didn't always like you." He began, "but I think I love you now..."

Nothing ever gave me more of a burst of happiness in my chest than hearing the second confession from Jeff's lips. I was outed though, but this damn beeping machine hooked up to my chest. Fuck you hospital machinery.

"Why Mr. Jeff Moreau, do you really love me?" I just had to ask. One, to be an asshole. And two, to hear it again.

A large toothy grin spread across his face. Without the security of his hat, he was a nervous man, fidgeting and smiling like a fool.

"Come on, I already said it once. Isn't that enough for you females?" In his cool, long collected style, Joker was disguising himself well.

"I was abandoned as a child. Betrayed, hurt, STABBED WITH A FORK BY A HOMELESS WOMAN. Lied too, SHOT... Almost died... I could use those words again." Every point on my list he nodded, but still not giving in. "...I've got this mean hangnail, and nagging head ache since I woke up."

"Oh well in that case!" Joker exclaimed.

And he sat back in the chair, just grinning. No more words, just a stare down between the two of us...

Looking him dead in the eyes, I pouted, gave him the old puppy look. "Its a really bad hangnail."

"I love you!" Defeated, he stood up to give me a kiss. Nothing sloppy, just a sweet kiss. Enough to feel Joker smiling against my lips.

Resting his forehead on mine, he propped up over me, in the same stare down as before.

"Well?" He muttered.

"Oh." I laughed, "I _think_ I love you..."

"Now who is being a dick, you shithead."

What can I say, I take my cues from him. Before he can collapse back in the waiting chair, I caught his hand, reeling him back, well tried. Joker anchored himself to the floor, looking down at me, trying to look unamused.

"Is that how you talk to your girlfriends who are recovering from a gunshot?"

"Do I have more than one?" he joked.

"Do you want ONE?" I must have looked like a gem, giving him my sly smile which was still drugged. "I already have your last name apparently..."

He cocked a brown, pondering... Well, pretending at least. I hope he wasn't REALLY thinking this over. "Eh, you're cute, why not."

Pulling him down, I scoot over so he could lay on the hospital bed. Holding me, I nuzzled into his scruffy neck, enjoying the tickle his stubble gave me. Back to the place I loved, in his embrace... I CAN DO without the hospital, this uncomfortable bed, IV's, and the annoying reminder my heart his pounding... The uncomfortable gown, the sore shoulder, and these cheap itchy blankets! Oh hell, as long as he's here I can handle it.

"I love you too Joker."


	10. Some News? News!

**Hello my followers, you fine people who enjoy my tender, feather brain love! Its Avery. Who? Avery who? Psh, you remember, don't lie to me. Its been forever but I am here to bring you this bit of news. I'm back and ready to spill my latest entries of love, betrayal, hate, and of course the awkward situations you all adore. I have embraced the fact I am odd, I understand weird and awkward spills out of me like sweat... ew... well that was a bad example, I should have said drool. ...that's not any better. Eh forget it- I'm coming back!**

* * *

><p>The Author's note on the bottom? Good golly. lol Yes I am back, and ready to write a sequel to this fic of mine... I should add my favorite fic of mine. Its been forever, and I deeply apologize. You know how life can be, don't judge Any who, if you all are still interested keep a look out for the new fic, either way, the story will probably be linked here.<p>

Thanks a tot for reading, you're all great, and I hope you enjoy the next one!


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